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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28016931">To All a Good Knight</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/canox/pseuds/canox'>canox</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy, The Knight Before Christmas (2019)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>69 (Sex Position), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Time Travel, Christmas, Christmas Fluff, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Finger Sucking, Fluff and Smut, Hand Jobs, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Kitchen Sex, Netflix and Chill, POV Alternating, Roleplay, Second Chances, That's Not How The Force Works (Star Wars), VERY sorry if someone already wrote this, Vaginal Fingering, With his dick, as a treat, ben will help her back to the right dimension, crying while masturbating, enough plot handwaving to conduct a symphony, maybe just a little TRoS shade, mentions of death/dying, no one dies in the fic though, rey is SO salty, rey is a time traveler</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 21:28:26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>30,463</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28016931</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/canox/pseuds/canox</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Rey's going to be alone forever. Ben knows true love doesn't exist. Will the magic of Christmas convince them otherwise?<br/>OR<br/>The non-classic Netflix holiday film <em>The Knight Before Christmas</em> needed to be a Reylo AU, and also to have more (any!) smut. In this fic I will</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>94</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>73</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Me, watching every Christmas romcom, in the Shazzer voice from <em>Bridget Jones’s Diary</em>: ok but WHEN are they actually going to stick their fucking tongues down each other's fucking throats.</p><p>Also me: Be the change you want to see in the world!</p><p>If you haven't seen the Netflix movie this is based on, 1. don't, and 2. here's a <a href="https://www.vogue.com/article/the-knight-before-christmas-netflix-review">real quick lil primer</a>.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>She’d missed the horizon. The sky. The shimmer that rose off rocks and metal.</p><p>Rey had not, however, missed the desert wind. It was like a voice whispering on and on in her ear as she trudged through the sand. There was no point turning to see if someone was there. No one was. These days, there was barely even a voice in her head to remind her to bring goggles for the speeder and enough water for a whole day in the desert. Like even her own brain had left her to fend for herself. She was alone now and she was going to be alone forever.</p><p>The wind kicked up to a howl as one of the twin suns set and the air cooled, whipping the sand against her shins, stinging a strip of skin between her leggings and boots she hadn’t thought she’d left exposed, while she slogged back to where she’d left the speeder.</p><p>It was time to head back to town for the night. And then to fly away from Tatooine and off to—whatever came next. She’d decide where to go at random, pick a ship and get on board without thinking too much. It didn’t matter where she went. No one was waiting for her to join them. No one was waiting for her to come back.</p><p>*</p><p>Ben knew what Chewie wanted to ask. He was asking himself the same question.</p><p>“Yes, that was Bazine who just came in, and yes, I gave her a discount,” Ben told the older, and in theory, wiser, man.</p><p>Chewie raised his eyebrows.</p><p>“Yes, even though she cheated on me and broke my heart,” Ben said. “No, I’m not sure why. She doesn’t deserve to get 20 percent off her snow tires. I don’t even know why she keeps coming back. It’s not like we’re the only garage in town. The only good one, maybe.”</p><p>Chewie shrugged and turned his eyes back to the stack of receipts for repairs they’d done that week.</p><p>Ben paced in front of the desk. “It wouldn’t have lasted, even if she hadn’t cheated. I wasn’t in love with her. It’s not like I have that much heart left to break.”</p><p>Chewie squinted at a receipt, then opened the desk drawer and rummaged for his reading glasses. He didn’t even look at Ben.</p><p>“It’s not like true love even exists, you know? How can it? How am I supposed to believe in it, after everything that happened?” Ben whacked his shin on a spare chair meant for customers. He kicked at its legs and it toppled over with a crash. “We put all this time and money into this place, and there isn’t even enough room to walk around. I’m moving this to the closet.”</p><p>He snatched up the chair with one hand and stormed out. It wasn’t until the office door slammed behind him that he realized Chewie hadn’t said a word.</p><p>*</p><p>Rey couldn’t ignore her boot full of sand any more, even though she’d almost reached the spot at the foot of a dune where she’d parked her speeder. Balancing on one foot, she tugged it off and emptied it out.</p><p>A sudden flash of blue light made her recoil and stumble, nearly burning her toes on the hot sand. She squinted at the vision that appeared.</p><p>“Hello, old crone,” Rey said politely. “Can I help you?” If they were appearing in a Force vision like this, it was probably someone important.</p><p>“How dare you,” the vision said. “I lost the beard and you don’t recognize me?”</p><p>She squinted harder. Her eyes felt a little sunburned after being out in the harsh light all day. “Master Luke?” she asked, still only half-recognizing her old teacher.</p><p>“<em>Thank</em> you,” he said crossly.</p><p>“What are you doing here? Did you need your lightsaber? Don’t worry,” she added hastily. “I remember exactly where I buried it.”</p><p>“Leave it,” he ordered. “I am here with a quest for you.”</p><p>Rey frowned. “What kind of quest?” It had only been a little while since she died on Exegol and had to be saved by Kylo Ren, who had finally turned back into Ben Solo like she knew he would, and she could have used just a scooch more time to recover from the physical exertion of coming back to life and the emotional trauma of kissing someone and then watching him die in her arms.</p><p>“If you complete this quest, you will be a true Jedi knight,” Luke promised.</p><p>“I think I’ve already proven myself by finally defeating the emperor,” Rey said, wiping sweat off her brow. “Besides, I’m the last Jedi, aren’t I? Who’s going to stop me from calling myself one?”</p><p>“The dark side is more powerful than you know,” Luke said. “Palpatine may return yet again. This quest will make you stronger, so if he does, you’ll be ready.”</p><p>“Fine,” Rey said. She put her boot back on. She needed to get out of the sun. “What is it?”</p><p>“That I cannot tell you.” <em>Of course not</em>. “But you must complete it by midnight on Christmas Eve.”</p><p>“By midnight on—what’s Christmas?” she asked. It was too late. Luke was already disappearing in a wave of blue light. It pulsed around him and then wavered out and sucked her in.</p><p>*</p><p>An all-black outfit didn’t exactly scream merry and bright, but it was the best Ben could do with what was in his hall closet. He flipped the radio to a holiday station on the drive over to get in the mood and instead caught Frank promising that <em>next</em> year all his troubles would be out of sight.</p><p>Seeing Claire would probably help. Other kids were merely cute; she was special. Ben had met her the day she was born, six years earlier, and had watched her grow from an adorable lump transfixed by lamps to a toddler who fussed at anyone who dared touch the light switch besides herself. Now she was a girl who pleaded constantly to visit the garage and use his tools. A real live wire of a little person.</p><p>There was a spot on his heart she was always rubbing raw, a reminder of the family he could have had, but it was good for him. She got up every morning expecting to see something marvelous in the world, and he could see it, too, if he got out of bed.</p><p>It would be good to see her dad, Poe, too. At one point they’d spent a lot of time together—like right after the accident, when Poe had even offered to sleep in his bed so Ben wouldn’t have to be alone—but these days Poe was always taking Claire to karate class or making dinner while his wife, Amilyn, spent another late night at the office.</p><p>Tonight, though, was reserved for their holiday tradition of seeing Santa and the lights at the Christmas Cantina. Amilyn was out of town on a last-minute business trip, so Poe had called Ben to fill in, insisting that he needed a second set of grown-up eyes to make sure he didn’t lose Claire in the crowd. Ben suspected Poe was less worried about Claire running away and more concerned that Ben was not feeling any Christmas cheer.</p><p>More like a Christmas chill, Ben thought as he pulled his gloves on and turned up his collar to walk the half-mile from the parking spot he’d snagged on the town’s main street. </p><p>He’d been lucky to find a spot at all. The shop windows were overflowing with toy train sets and mannequins in matching flannel onesies, and the doors were a-jangle as shoppers bustled in and out. It should have warmed his heart to see everyone out and about, ticking presents off their lists. But ice touched his veins as a woman’s laugh tinkled in the frozen air thick with snowflakes; he knew without looking that it was Bazine, probably with her new boyfriend. </p><p>He sped up to cross into the winter wonderland where lights flashed, a carousel whirled, and hot chocolate flowed. It <em>was</em> kind of nice that their little town set up the Cantina every December. You knew Christmas was coming when a crew showed up to string lights around the clearing and a trailer arrived with a mini-herd of reindeer that would live there for the month.</p><p>Poe and Claire were already at the back of the line for Santa, waving to him.</p><p>“Ben! You got here before we got to Santa,” Claire said, relieved. “Do you know what you want for Christmas?”</p><p>“I have my list right here,” Ben told her, patting his pocket. “Is there anything you want that I should add to it?”</p><p>“A puppy,” she said promptly.</p><p>“We talked about this,” Poe cautioned. “You can ask Santa for a puppy, but he might not bring you one this year.”</p><p>Claire shrugged. “We’ll see,” she said, with the confident air of a girl who knew that Santa was the final authority on Christmas presents, not her father. She stuck her head around the velvet ropes outlining the queue to see how close they were to the front.</p><p>“Do <em>not</em> get her a puppy,” Poe whispered to Ben once he knew Claire wasn’t looking. “I’ll be banished to your house forever. Hey, is that—”</p><p>“Bazine? With her new boyfriend? Probably,” Ben whispered back. “Don’t look.”</p><p>“Don’t look at who?” Claire piped up.</p><p>“No one,” Poe said quickly. “Just someone Ben used to be friends with.”</p><p>It was almost possible the Santa they’d hired this year actually had magical powers, so efficient was he at keeping the line moving. Ben still had feeling in his fingers when Claire’s turn came around and she climbed onto Santa’s lap to confide her wishes.</p><p>“I would like a puppy, please,” she said. She looked at Ben with limpid eyes. “And Ben would like a new girlfriend. Who won’t cheat on him.”</p><p>The adults in the family behind them snickered, and Poe’s jaw dropped. “I swear she was in bed, asleep, when we talked about that,” he said to Ben. “I don’t think she even knows what cheating means.”</p><p>Santa took it in stride. “You seem like a good friend,” he told Claire. “I’ll see what I can do.”</p><p>“You don’t have to,” Ben said quickly. He could still hear the people behind them snorting, trying to hold in their laughter. “Not for me. I’m fine being alone.”</p><p>The Santa smiled indulgently at him. “Don’t be afraid. Anything is possible at Christmas.”</p><p>*</p><p>Rey rolled out of the blue light into a sea of red and green lights and blaring music.</p><p>She felt for her lightsaber—still clipped to her belt, thank the maker, since she’d spent so long crafting it and was loath to actually go dig the others up—and got her bearings. Was it some sort of festival? People were walking around in groups, most of them tugged along by children, laughing and clutching steaming cups of a dark liquid that made her think of Kylo’s eyes when he saved her and became Ben once more.</p><p>She spotted a sign that said Christmas Cantina and below that—it couldn’t be—those same eyes. His thick, dark hair was covered by a knit hat, and his jaw was half-concealed by the collar of his coat, but it had to be him. Ben, who’d sacrificed himself to save her. Ben, looking tall and handsome and alive, his skin pale against his black outfit, his cheeks pink with the cold.</p><p>Rey’s heart swelled. “Ben!” she called out.</p><p>He didn’t respond. She slipped through the crowd, skirting a family who’d stopped to turn in the same direction and smile toward a tiny datapad one of them held out, and called out again.</p><p>This time, he half turned, frowning. She thought about trying to open their bond to let him know she was there in case he couldn’t feel her in the Force, but she was too rusty. She’d let that reflex fade, because it only made her mad each time she went to open it and there was no one on the other end. What was the point of having a soulmate if you could lose them? It felt like the universe, or the Force, or whoever it was in charge, had played a trick on her, just so she couldn’t have a happy ending. </p><p>But now she could leave that anger behind. She’d catch up to him—eventually, curse his long legs—and he’d smile and she’d kiss him and she’d never have to be alone again.</p><p>*</p><p>Ben kept the radio off when he started the car to drive home. He needed to hear his own voice and nothing else in his head while he sorted himself out. </p><p>At first, he thought he’d heard Bazine calling him while he said good night to Poe and Claire. Then he realized it was another woman—someone with a face exactly like the one he’d hidden in the photo albums in his closet and a secret folder on his phone. A face he hadn’t even dreamt about in years.</p><p>It couldn’t actually <em>be</em> her, of course. Kira, the girlfriend before Bazine, the love of his life, was long gone, and with the help of his therapist, he’d accepted that reality. Besides, the woman he’d just seen, or thought he’d seen, had a strange outfit, some sort of tunic and half-sleeves that looked more like a costume than proper winter clothes. Even if she was dressed up for one of the shows they sometimes had on the little stage at the Cantina, she must have been freezing.</p><p>So he hadn’t completely taken leave of his senses yet. But it had been a rough day. Between having a conversation with himself in the office at the garage while Chewie watched, and staring at the woman at the Christmas Cantina while Poe looked on with concern, Ben wondered if he was perhaps on the way to losing it.</p><p>He was certainly lost in thought, or else he would have braked sooner when the woman from the Cantina ran out in front of his car, her face set in determination. She paused in the road, looked directly at him, tensed her knees, and leaped into the air.</p><p>Gravity fought back. She thumped onto the roof of his car, each limb landing separately in a series of thuds. Her bare arms flailed as she slid down the windshield, over the hood, and into the road.</p><p><em>Shit</em>. Ben killed the engine and jumped out, sliding a little in the freshly fallen snow as he rushed to her side. Her eyes were closed and she was shaking. He brushed a wet lock of hair off her cheekbone, making sure he hadn’t imagined her. He may not have dreamt of Kira’s face in years, but he still would have described it as the most perfect one he’d ever seen. And spookily like the one worn by the woman in front of him.</p><p>“Are you okay?” he asked.</p><p>The woman opened her eyes and grinned. She was laughing. “Ben!” she cried, seemingly delighted to see him. “Did you see that? I tried to do a flip, but I messed up the takeoff. The Force doesn’t work quite the same way here.”</p><p>“What?” How hard had she hit her head? She wasn’t making any sense. Why on earth would she try to do a flip onto his car? She seemed to think it was a feat that was, first of all, possible, and second of all, that would impress him. </p><p>Ben didn’t want to admit it, but she was right about the latter. There was something about the willful set of her face before she’d jumped that made him want to see what else she could do. Preferably while he watched from a safe distance, far from the road.</p><p>“Remember when you flew at me? To get my attention?” The woman was still talking excitedly. “I followed you from the festival. I wanted to land on the roof of your ship, but it’s so slippery. Oh, well. Do you have a cowl or something I can put on? It’s cold for a little desert rat like me.” The way she said it made him think it was a pet name disguised as an insult.</p><p>Of course. How inconsiderate of him, hitting her with his car and then letting her freeze in the snowy street. He shrugged his coat off and laid it over her, not wanting to move her too much in case something was broken.</p><p>“Just hold still until the ambulance gets here,” he told her in the tone he’d used when Claire skinned her knee, trying to be soothing. “They’ll take you to the hospital and fix you up.”</p><p>That made her smile even wider. “Good,” she said. “Let the droids do it. I’m not letting you heal me ever again.”</p><p>*</p><p>The EMTs found Ben lying on his side in the snow, cold and wet soaking through his sweater and pants, one arm gingerly around the woman. He’d agreed when she asked him to hold her while they waited for the medics, which seemed like the least he could do after smacking her with his car. Even if it was her fault for darting into the road.</p><p>“It’s only a bruise or two,” she told them cheerily. “Give me a couple bacta patches and—”</p><p>“I hit her with my car,” Ben blurted out. “Accidentally. She hit her head.” She probably needed some sort of scan. There was no way he could let them give her a couple of bandages and send her on her way.</p><p>The paramedics, a man and a woman, nodded to each other and gently shuffled the woman in the street onto a stretcher. Ben followed the ambulance to the hospital, where he sat for an hour in a waiting room getting a headache from the flashing candy-cane lights around the ceiling, leaving his plastic chair once to try to dry his wet clothes in the feeble breeze from the hand dryer in the bathroom, and only after making the receptionist promise to come get him if there was any news. </p><p>Waiting was the right thing to do. It would have been callous to go home, flip on the TV, and forget about what happened, and while he may not have been a cheerful person, he wasn’t callous. Besides, the woman was so open and funny—and hot, if he was being completely honest with himself. Still, it was a long shot. Hitting someone with your car wasn’t exactly the best way to get a new girlfriend for Christmas.</p><p>At last, the male EMT shouldered through one of the swinging doors and strode over. Ben jumped up.</p><p>“Is she going to be okay?” he asked.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Again, VERY sorry if someone already wrote this! I checked in mid-November and couldn't find anything...and now it's all written and I'm just going to throw it all up no matter what.</p><p>And I'm now on <a href="https://twitter.com/canox_writes">Twitter</a>, where I have no idea what I'm doing or how to make friends, but excited to offer THE HOTTEST takes like "the hawking competition in this movie totally sucked."</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“What is this place?” the woman—Rey, R-E-Y, she’d told him, playfully shoving his shoulder like it was obvious—asked when Ben turned into his driveway and the headlights swept across the gingerbread trim on the brick Victorian.</p>
<p>“My parents bought this house when they first got married,” he said. “Now they’re gone, so it belongs to me.”</p>
<p>She nodded, accepting this without any further questions. “It’s beautiful. Different from what I thought it would be, though,” she said. “I thought you’d be stuck in—I don’t know, I thought the world between worlds would have more mist. But I’m glad you were here instead. It seems nicer.”</p>
<p>Finn, one of the EMTs, had told Ben that there wasn’t a scratch on Rey, but that she’d announced to the hospital staff she was some sort of knight who had time-traveled to the Christmas Cantina specifically to see Ben and, quote, “bring him back.” The doctors surmised that she’d remember who—and when—she really was after a good night’s sleep, and she seemed eager to stay close to Ben, so he had agreed to take her home. How dangerous could she be? He was pretty sure he could fit one of his hands around her waist.</p>
<p>He’d decided he would gently indulge her notions, since he didn’t want to upset her, and when she regained her memories he’d take her home or drop her at the bus station. Something to eat, a shower, and a comfortable bed, and she’d be back to herself in no time.</p>
<p>Rey was still chattering excitedly as she marched up the path to his front door, telling him something about how she’d built her own “light saber,” teasingly informing him that it was “much more stable than <em>yours</em>.” She was so absorbed in her story, so eager to share, that she didn’t notice the patch of black ice he’d missed when shoveling until her feet flew out from under her.</p>
<p>Without thinking, Ben scooped her up, hauling her close to his chest so he could balance. Even though she’d changed from her hospital gown back into her ridiculously inadequate leggings and tunic for the ride to his house, her skin radiated heat he could feel through his still-damp clothes.</p>
<p>She blinked up at him from beneath her lashes, lips slightly parted with her smile. He was close enough to see the freckles on her nose and wondered where she’d found the sun to darken them in the middle of December. Wondered where else they were sprayed across her body.</p>
<p>Ben realized, with an awful, sudden clarity, that the tender part of him reacting to her might not be his heartstrings. It had been so long since he’d been with anyone that he was about to get hard just from touching a woman enough to save her from falling on ice. He should put her down.</p>
<p>But before he could loosen his grip, her arms twined around his neck, like she wanted to get closer. She craned her neck, and—</p>
<p>“Evening, Ben.”</p>
<p>Ben started, guiltily, and hastened to set Rey down feet first. It was his next-door neighbor, Hux, who was always sticking his red head where it didn’t belong. He’d probably seen Ben’s car pull in, watched Rey get out, and then pretended he needed to check the mail so he could come out and nose around.</p>
<p>“Hux.” Ben nodded. “Some snow we’re getting.”</p>
<p>“Very pretty. Treacherous, though,” Hux replied. “I came out to fix my Christmas lights and almost fell over.”</p>
<p>“Be careful,” Ben said, eager to get inside. Next to him, Rey was tensed, staring at Hux with a weird intensity.</p>
<p>“You’re not going to introduce me?” Hux asked, glancing at Rey.</p>
<p>“Nope. Have a good night.” Ben put a hand lightly at the small of Rey’s back and herded her to the front porch.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>Fresh from the shower, her hair damp and her limbs warmed through, Rey wrapped herself in a towel and snuck into the room Ben had disappeared to. He’d told her to get cleaned up, then he would find her some warmer clothes. His pants would probably fall right off her hips, but she hoped he’d let her borrow a sweater that smelled like him. The scent had faded from the one she’d brought back from Exegol.</p>
<p>“Ben?” she called. He didn’t answer. She crept further into the bedroom and heard a cupboard shutting in the bathroom. The floor creaked beneath her, and he turned, fresh out of the shower himself and clearly surprised to see her head poking around the doorway.</p>
<p>He looked—good. Really good. Even better than that time when he was still Kylo and accidentally appeared shirtless over their bond, his back rippling as he turned to glare at her. Maybe even better than in the fantasies of that time she’d conjured alone in her bunk, where he couldn’t hide the hungry gleam in his eyes as they met hers.</p>
<p>This time the gleam might have been there for real.</p>
<p>Her mouth watered. A wisp of flame—one that she’d thought had gone out—flickered to life in her belly. She made up her mind.</p>
<p>Rey closed the distance between them, grabbed his face with both hands, and kissed him. He hesitated for a second, lips flat, then opened for her, which she took as an invitation to press her body closer. Ben backed up, hitting the vanity, and she let go of his face to take hold of his waist, digging her fingers into his ribs so she could feel his breathing. She couldn’t get over how warm his skin was. How alive he was.</p>
<p>When she inched forward to squeeze him against the counter, he gasped and leaned away from her mouth, patting the edges of his towel to make sure it was still slung around his hips. She licked her lips, thinking of the trail of moles she could follow from his abdomen all the way down beneath the towel. It was fine if he was a little hesitant, now that they were no longer in the middle of a war. Maybe Ben wasn’t as demanding as Kylo, who pouted if she only came once when he thought she could have come twice, even when she was exhausted. But she needed him to know that she wanted him either way. That she regretted not making more of their time together, now that she knew how fleeting happiness could be.</p>
<p>“I should have done that the first time,” she confided.</p>
<p>Ben’s eyes softened in confusion. “When? After I hit you with my car?”</p>
<p>What a tease. “When you showed me this before,” she said, flattening a palm across his chest. “By accident. I should have realized it was on purpose right then.”</p>
<p>He took a deep breath, making his chest heave even broader before he exhaled. “I should not be doing this,” he said, half to himself. Then to her, “What would you have done?”</p>
<p>She kissed him again by way of response, more demanding this time. On Exegol, they’d only had a moment to press their lips together. It hadn’t been enough time to find out what it was like to be with Ben instead of Kylo. And it was such a tantalizing prospect, to get to be with someone new in a familiar body. One more thing unfairly taken from her.</p>
<p>Now, though, she could explore at leisure, grazing his bottom lip with her teeth and trailing her fingers down his biceps. She’d missed the size of him, how there was always more of him she wanted to touch. He drew her to him with his hands on her hips, his thumbs pressing needily into the soft spot between. She’d missed that, too.</p>
<p>Ben groaned as she ran her tongue impatiently along his mouth, urging him to open wider, and the helpless sound only made her hungrier for him. Her mind spun with the possibilities. He could lift her onto the counter and have her here. He could carry her out to the bedroom, where the mattress would be soft beneath her and he’d be hard, unyielding, above her. He could turn them around and bend her over the sink.</p>
<p>What he did instead was pause, head cocked. A faint buzzing sounded from a tiny datapad on the shelf.</p>
<p>“Shit,” Ben said, letting out a different kind of groan. “I should get this. Just—stay here.” He picked up the device and went into the bedroom.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>It was Poe on the phone, ready to offer whatever Ben wanted in exchange for Ben’s help with Poe’s annual charity Christmas Eve dinner. Amilyn’s business trip had been extended, so Poe needed an extra set of hands to help with the preparations.</p>
<p>Luckily for his friend and the orphans, or whoever they were going to help, Ben agreed to whatever Poe wanted so that he could get back to what <em>he</em>, Ben, wanted, which was, somewhat shamefully, to be inside the hot, possibly deluded woman he’d almost run over. It had flitted across his mind when he held her on his front walk, barely even a thought. After she kissed him, though, it took on the gleam of a promise. The Christmas treat he was going to allow himself, since it was apparently what she wanted, too.</p>
<p>Ben ended the call with Poe, then, thinking fast, texted to ask if Amilyn had any spare clothes another woman could borrow. <em>Don’t ask questions. Drop them off tomorrow morning. Please?</em></p>
<p>He secured his towel—it was fine if Rey pulled it off, and her eyes went wide, and she licked her lips like she just had, but whipping his cock out at her mere hours after she’d hit her head seemed like a bit much—and strode back into the bedroom, hoping to pick up where they’d left off.</p>
<p>Rey had gone. He called her name. No response. He stuck his head into one room after another. They were all empty. But there was a strange glow outside that was too bright to be coming from Hux’s Christmas light display.</p>
<p>He pulled on a coat and his boots and went to see what was happening. There, in the shadow of Hux’s shrubberies, was Rey, stalking around his neighbor’s house in her leggings and what looked like a Christmas sweater scrounged from the back of Ben’s closet. She had that determined look on her face, lit up by—hang on, what the <em>fuck</em> was <em>that</em>?</p>
<p>Rey was wielding a beam of golden light in the shape of a blade, controlling it with a metal handle. She had a fucking laser sword, and she knew what she was doing with it. She crept carefully, almost noiselessly, through the snow, crouching and trying to peer into one of Hux’s basement windows.</p>
<p>Ben called to her. He didn’t particularly like Hux, but he couldn’t let his neighbor be slashed in half with a laser sword. He couldn’t let her murder someone while she had temporarily forgotten who she was.</p>
<p>Rey spun around and sprang into a defensive stance, holding the blade protectively close to her face so it illuminated her fierce expression. He took a step toward her, foot crunching on the snow, and she waved the sword in his direction, her form lithe but powerful, even threatening. In spite of the felt Santa smiling out from her midsection. </p>
<p>Weirdly, and somewhat inconveniently, he wasn’t afraid. Instead, the erection that started swelling under his towel when she kissed him in the bathroom returned, stronger than ever.</p>
<p>“What are you doing?” he said, making his voice stern to hide the fact that he would have happily let her put her sword to his throat and have her way with him. “Give me that.”</p>
<p>She grinned. “Check it out!” She extinguished it somehow and tossed it to him. “It’s <em>way</em> better than your stupid crossguard design ever was.”</p>
<p>“My what?” he asked, letting the cloth-wrapped metal tube roll across his palm, trying to touch it as little as possible. He didn’t want to accidentally trip the switch and turn it on.</p>
<p>Rey laughed. “You just want me to tell you how great your lightsaber was. How scary it was when you fought me with it.”</p>
<p>He couldn’t imagine having the impulse to challenge her while she was holding a weapon like that. Who did she think he was? Someone a little more badass than a guy who’d taken over his parents’ small-town garage, apparently. Someone more familiar with close combat than oil changes and wheel alignments. </p>
<p>Now that he thought of it—which he probably should have before, instead of being distracted by her pretty face—how did she even know his name?</p>
<p>“That’s not what’s important,” he said, again trying to cover. “What are you doing out here?”</p>
<p>Her face hardened. “Your neighbor looks <em>very</em> familiar,” she said. “Everyone in this town does. I have some questions for him.”</p>
<p>“Let’s ask him in the morning,” Ben suggested. “Are you hungry? All I had was hot chocolate at the Christmas Cantina. But I bet the diner in town is still open.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>*</p>
<p>Rey had to leave her saber in Ben’s ship, which he was calling a car. He promised she’d be safe in the diner, though, so she agreed. He wouldn’t let anything happen to her.</p>
<p>She was a little disappointed when he motioned to the vinyl bench opposite him in their booth instead of the seat next to him, but perked up when the food he ordered started arriving: two of everything, enough to fill both sides of the table.</p>
<p>“These are so good,” she moaned, stuffing another handful of salty, slightly soggy vegetable sticks into her mouth.</p>
<p>“The fries?” Ben asked. His eyes were glued to her lips as she licked the salt off her fingers. He coughed and it startled him. “I think they’re even better if you dip them in the milkshake.” He demonstrated, then paused with the fry halfway to his mouth as the door to the diner opened with a jangle. “Oh, no.”</p>
<p>He shrank down in his seat like he thought he could hide behind the napkin dispenser and condiment bottle. “Don’t look,” he said. “It’s my ex-girlfriend. And her new boyfriend.”</p>
<p>Ben had used a few words she wasn’t familiar with since she found him at the Christmas Cantina, but he was always doing that and then harping on how much he had to teach her if only she’d listen. These words, however, she understood.</p>
<p>“Your <em>what</em>?”</p>
<p>“She was the first person I dated seriously after—after I went through a hard time, and she cheated on me,” he explained, like it was no big deal. “It wasn’t great.”</p>
<p>Rey thought very seriously about calling her lightsaber out of the car. “Is this some kind of trick? You’re tempting me, right? Then when I cut her down, you laugh about how you seduced me to the dark side by making me jealous.”</p>
<p>“No, I’m telling you what happened,” he said. “We dated, she cheated, true love doesn’t exist.”</p>
<p>“What about our <em>bond</em>?” she wailed. “What we had was special, Ben. I thought we were soulmates. I actually believed all that dyad-in-the-Force stuff. I’ve barely even touched <em>myself</em> since you died. And I cry every time I do it!”</p>
<p>Silence. Even the background music in the restaurant had somehow quieted so everyone could hear her yelling about sobbing while getting herself off. Finally something sizzled on the cooktop and there came a muttered “Fuck” and a scraping noise from the kitchen.</p>
<p>Ben’s eyes widened, possibly in fear. “Hang on,” he said. “Since I died? Tell me who you think I am.”</p>
<p>The nerve of him. “Is this another phase where you only want me to call you Kylo? I’ll do it, as long as you come back with me.” She thought for a second. “Not Supreme Leader, though. That’s only for special occasions.”</p>
<p>“My own name is fine. Which is Ben Solo.”</p>
<p>“I <em>know</em>.”</p>
<p>“But,” he continued, “I don’t think I’m the same person as whoever you think I am. Even if he has the same name. I live here, in the house I grew up in. I run a garage with my dad’s best friend. I don’t think we’ve ever met before, even though you look just like—someone else I knew. A long time ago.”</p>
<p>“So why did Luke send me here if you’re not really you?” Rey demanded. “What was the point of making me do this quest? I thought I was going to prove that I’m a true Jedi by rescuing you from the world between worlds.”</p>
<p>“I don’t know! I don’t know who Luke is, and I don’t know who or what a jed-eye is. It seems like you really like this other Ben, so I’m sorry, but I can’t be someone that I’m not,” he said. He finally ate the fry and patted her fingers across the table. “Look, we’ve both had a long day. Let’s go back to my house, get some sleep, and things will look better in the morning.”</p>
<p>Tears dripped onto the fries remaining on her plate. It wasn’t fair. Luke had sent her to another time, possibly another dimension, and this wasn’t even <em>her</em> Ben. Sure, he looked just like him and acted like she thought Ben might have when he was done being Kylo—which was to say, nice to her—and saved her from the ice and had the same big hands that made her stomach flip every time he picked something up, such as a fry, or her body. </p>
<p>But he hadn’t been inside her mind, seen everything that was there, and decided he wanted to see more. He hadn’t touched her hand over a fire and told her she wasn’t alone.</p>
<p>What a joke. She was more alone than ever.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I promise this is one of only two times that Poe cockblocks them. (The sister did it every five minutes in the movie and it ENRAGED me. Fortunately Ben knows how to ignore his phone.)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>All right, the setup is out of the way, let's get to the good stuff.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Is there something you want to tell me?” Poe asked gently as he held out the bag full of clothes from the back of his wife’s closet. “You know I’ll be here for you no matter what.”</p>
<p>“They’re not for me,” Ben said. “I <em>know</em>, there’s nothing wrong with that, but they’re not. I have someone staying with me. Who wears women’s clothing.”</p>
<p>Poe’s you-can-tell-me-anything expression changed to a knowing smirk. “Ho ho <em>ho</em>,” he said, craning his neck to try to look around Ben’s front door. “Will we have to put you on the naughty list, Ben?”</p>
<p>“She’s just—a friend,” Ben said with a sigh, turning his whole body to extend his arm for the bag. He wasn’t sure he could straighten his neck after sleeping on the couch, having let Rey take the bed for herself, and he hadn’t made coffee yet.</p>
<p>“Sure,” Poe said. “A friend you met on an app?”</p>
<p>“A friend I met when I accidentally hit her with my car, all right?” Ben snapped.</p>
<p>The smirk dropped and Poe eyed him with genuine concern. “Why didn’t you tell me? Are you okay? Is she okay?”</p>
<p>“Everyone is fine. She’s having some trouble remembering who she is, so I’m letting her stay here for a couple days.”</p>
<p>“You’re lucky Claire is waiting in the car, or I’d want to come in and meet her,” Poe said, glancing at the back seat. He waved. Ben could just make out Claire’s red mitten waving back.</p>
<p>“You can meet her when you and Claire come to help me decorate the tree,” Ben promised. “If she’s still here.”</p>
<p>“Deal.” Poe turned to leave, then glanced back. “You know I want you to be happy, right, buddy?”</p>
<p>Ben nodded, hand on the doorknob.</p>
<p>“Claire’s not the only one wishing for you to get a new girlfriend for Christmas. You deserve a nice present. Think about it while you’re doing those errands for my charity dinner, okay?” Poe skipped down the steps to his car.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>“Open your heart and your quest will become clear,” Dream-Luke was saying to her.</p>
<p>“Shut up, old crone,” Rey muttered, and burrowed her head into the pillow. The sheets smelled like fresh air blowing through a forest, just like Ben’s skin had when she kissed him. For a few minutes, she let herself pretend he was in the bed with her, that it was his breath warming her neck instead of the duvet. Even if the man who slept here wasn’t <em>her</em> Ben, she wouldn’t mind nestling her head into his chest while she fell asleep. It would be better than being alone.</p>
<p>The smell and sizzle of frying meat lured her downstairs. Ben’s face was hopeful when he asked how she’d slept, then fell a little when she told him she knew what he was really asking: whether she’d recovered her memories overnight and realized that she wasn’t really on any quest.</p>
<p>“I can find somewhere else to go,” she offered, aware he was disappointed and thought she was deluded. “I’m sure I have a few credits.”</p>
<p>His face fell even more. “You don’t have to leave,” he said. “I like knowing you’re in my bed.” His cheeks flushed. “Anyway, there’s coffee. And bacon and eggs. Toast will take a minute on the stove. I haven’t had time to fix the toaster.”</p>
<p>“I can do it,” Rey said. “Where do you keep your tools?”</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>After breakfast he headed for the couch. “I’m supposed to run some errands today for Poe’s charity dinner, but I don’t feel like it,” Ben admitted. “Would you want to hang out and watch TV instead? You’ve had a rough couple days, and maybe it would be good for you to just relax.”</p>
<p>That sounded really nice. Way better than running around on a silly quest. Rey had thought the same thing when Luke appeared to her on Tatooine: she just needed a little time to recover. </p>
<p>“Watch what?” she asked.</p>
<p>“I’ll show you,” Ben said, pressing some buttons until a video of a man hammering flickered to life on a screen in the corner of the room. “This is called ‘All the Fixings.’ They repair something new every episode. But we can watch a different show or a Christmas movie or whatever you like.”</p>
<p>“I’ve been meaning to ask you,” she said, careful to leave a cushion of space between them when she joined him on the couch. Clearly he’d liked it when she kissed him, if his groans and the bulge under his towel were anything to go by, but now that she knew he wasn’t hers, she didn’t want to be too forward. “What’s Christmas?”</p>
<p>Ben rubbed his neck and yawned. “It’s a holiday that’s happening in a couple days. People take time off work and give each other presents to celebrate. Why?”</p>
<p>“I have to finish my quest by midnight on Christmas Eve.”</p>
<p>“That’s December 24. It’s December 20 today. Plenty of time. You can relax for now.” He reached behind his back to pull out a blanket. “Do you want to get under this? I might fall asleep.”</p>
<p>Rey didn’t need to be asked twice. She scooted under his outstretched arm, trying to wedge her shoulder into his armpit so he’d drape himself around her. It was heavier than was comfortable, but its warm weight was reassuring, and she was starving for touch. For a few minutes, she struggled to keep watching the TV, wanting to find out how the hammering man was going to finish his repair job. Then Ben’s deep, even breathing lulled her to sleep.</p>
<p>His fingers woke her up, clutching at her hip. He twitched and his hand scrabbled, in the throes of a dream, then he sighed and relaxed, his soft lips going slack. Snuggled under the blanket with him, she’d been drowsy and content, but the urgent press of his fingers, the slightest hint of the power in his body, made her want more than a cuddle. Those lips would look so good fastened around one of her nipples or latched onto her clit.</p>
<p>She squirmed from beneath his arm to brush her lips across his neck. If he didn’t wake up, she’d stop and ask him later. His breath hitched and his lips worked soundlessly. She did it again, firmer this time. He opened his eyes and met hers, reading the desire she knew was there. </p>
<p>With a sleepy half-smile, he lifted his head to kiss her, lazy and slow. Heat spread through her, radiating from between her legs, less fiery need than gradual warmth, like the sun coming out from behind a cloud.</p>
<p>Ben stroked her shoulders, her back, her waist, not demanding but lingering, drawing her awareness to the sensitive spot at her collarbone, the curve of her spine, the flare of her hips. His touch centered Rey in her body, as though he was there to help her meditate. </p>
<p>She didn’t think about the chill of the caverns on Exegol or the heat of twin suns on her neck while she buried the lightsabers. Or whatever her quest might be, since it wasn’t to bring Ben back. She’d think about it later. Right now, the world was only her skin beneath his fingertips, her mouth under his tongue. She wanted him everywhere.</p>
<p>“Please, Ben,” she whispered. “Touch me.”</p>
<p>“Shhh. I’ve got you,” he murmured. “Just relax.” He lifted her by the hips to sit between his legs, facing the TV, and ran his palms over her thighs, gently spreading them. She sighed and let her knees fall apart.</p>
<p>“That’s it,” he said, his voice so low in her ear that it felt like it was coming from inside her head. “I want you to let me make you come. You’d like that, wouldn’t you?”</p>
<p>She nodded.</p>
<p>He kept talking as he petted her clit over the fabric of her leggings, making her whimper. He pressed his lips into her ears and neck between reassurances that he’d make her feel so good. He pushed her knee wider when she squirmed and let it drift in, holding her open.</p>
<p>He eased his fingers under her leggings. “I love that you’re bare,” he told her. His hands stilled for a second. “Of course you are. I didn’t get you any extra underwear. Sorry.”</p>
<p>“I don’t care,” Rey said. She stretched her limbs languorously, reaching above her head to rub his soft hair between her fingertips, lifting her hips to urge him on. </p>
<p>“You don’t?” he asked. He traced her entrance with one finger; she knew he could feel how wet she was. “Mmm. You don’t. I hope you get the couch all wet, too.”</p>
<p>Time went hazy as Ben patted her clit, rubbed it, drew circles around it, dipping into the wetness from her cunt so he could slide over her. The world narrowed to her nerve endings and his fingers on them, each stroke drawing from a well of pleasure between her legs. She didn’t realize she was canting her hips, following his hand, until he put the other on her belly to hold her still.</p>
<p>“Relax,” he said. “I’ve got you. How many fingers do you want?”</p>
<p>The thought of getting more almost overwhelmed her. Already she could feel her orgasm building, the kind that would wring her out and leave her loose and pliant, just from the novelty of having someone else touch her with care.</p>
<p>“Two? For now,” she said, then felt the need to explain, in case he thought she wouldn’t be able to take the cock she’d felt bobbing eagerly against her stomach in the bathroom. “I’ve taken three—with gloves on—but not now.”</p>
<p>“I’m sure you have, but he’s not here right now, is he?” Ben whispered darkly, soothingly, his voice even lower. “I’m going to use just my fingers. So you can feel me touching you. So I can feel for myself how soft you are.”</p>
<p>She’d thought she felt him against her ass before, but now Rey was sure. The idea that he was getting hard from telling her how he’d touch her almost made her come right then. It was heady, like when Kylo got hard just because she was touching herself and he could feel it across the bond, their mutual arousal building as it sparked back and forth.</p>
<p>“Here,” Ben said, and to her surprise, he took his hand from her belly and ran two fingers along her lips. When she opened her mouth he slipped them inside. “Suck on those for me. To help you relax.”</p>
<p>She mouthed at his knuckles while he slid two fingers of his other hand up into her, imagining that she could feel the ridges in her cunt the way she could on her tongue. They stretched her enough to be pleasurable, but not enough to push her limits. She bore down on them, enjoying the feeling of being deliciously full rather than stuffed, then let up while he thumbed her clit. She was getting close. All she had to do was relax and trust him to take care of her.</p>
<p>“You’re so soft and wet,” he said, sounding pleased. “So relaxed. Do you feel like you’re ready to come?”</p>
<p>She nodded, whimpering around his fingers.</p>
<p>“I’m going to get you there. Just let go.”</p>
<p>Her whole body tensed as he thumbed faster, and then she let go, riding out her orgasm atop the fingers in her cunt and nearly making herself gag by bucking against the ones in her mouth. Ben held her against him, not letting up on her clit until she’d stopped shuddering and slumped back onto his chest.</p>
<p>“You look like you need another nap,” he said. He licked his fingers—she lifted her head from his shoulders to see her own wetness shining on his lips, committing <em>that</em> to memory—and rearranged the blanket around them.</p>
<p>“Okay,” she said, too drained to argue. </p>
<p>This quest wouldn’t be too bad after all, if all she had to do was take naps and take pleasure from a brick-house man in his cozy brick house. Besides, Ben said she had plenty of time before Christmas Eve. She deserved a few days of rest.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>The last box of ornaments slipped out of his fingers, thudding onto the living room floor. Rey shot up from the nest of blankets on the couch where they’d both ended up sleeping for the night, then smiled when she saw it was him and not, he assumed, his suspicious neighbor, Hux, intruding.</p>
<p>“It’s okay. Go back to sleep,” Ben said. “Unless you want to help me get the ornaments out? My friend and his daughter are coming over tomorrow to help me decorate the Christmas tree.”</p>
<p>She rubbed her eyes. “The what?”</p>
<p>Fair question. “It’s traditional to chop down a tree and put it in a stand in your living room. Then you decorate it with lights and little ornaments.” He pulled a glass globe out of a box to show her.</p>
<p>“Why do you need your friend? I can help you.”</p>
<p>Also a fair point. “I don’t,” he admitted. “But his daughter really likes doing it. And Poe—my friend—is worried that I’ll sit here crying if I do it alone. A lot of the decorations belonged to my parents and, um, an old girlfriend.”</p>
<p>“Another one?” she asked, frowning as she got up to peek inside the box.</p>
<p>He knew she’d seize on that. It was almost cute, that she was jealous even though he didn’t belong to her. He should probably just tell her.</p>
<p>“A different one. Not the woman we saw at the diner,” he said. “This girlfriend died. At the same time as my parents. In the same skiing accident.”</p>
<p>He’d practiced the words so many times with his therapist, said them so many times to his friends, that he didn’t worry anymore about crying halfway through or feeling something too awful to name open up inside and suck him in. </p>
<p>This time, though, was the first time he’d said it and felt good. He was almost excited to tell Rey about her, like he was about to introduce them and couldn’t wait for them to meet. Which made him feel a twinge of guilt; it shouldn’t feel good to talk about your dead girlfriend and your dead parents, should it?</p>
<p>Rey’s frown softened. “Tell me,” she said, settling in on the floor beside the boxes, holding the ornaments up to the light as she listened.</p>
<p>So he did. He told her about Kira, how he’d loved her, how he’d lost her, how he’d stopped hoping for the future they’d planned together and believing in true love.</p>
<p>“It’s weird, though,” Ben admitted. “You look just like her. Which I think is why—I mean of course I’d feel bad about hitting anyone with my car. But I think that’s why I told the EMTs you could stay with me.” </p>
<p>What he didn’t mention was that both women were exactly his type. Bodies like theirs bounced on him in his fantasies, and he filled in faces like theirs when he wanted to come. That hadn’t been the only factor when he decided to bring Rey to his home. But it was a bonus. And definitely not something he ought to be thinking about in the middle of a conversation about the partner he’d lost.</p>
<p>“Otherwise you would have left me there with Finn and Rose?”</p>
<p>“Who?”</p>
<p>“The medics who took care of me. They look just like my friends from—where I’m from. But they’re not the same people, obviously. Now that I think about it, that’s probably why they were actually happy for me when I confessed I was in love with you.” She flushed. “That was when I thought you were still my Ben. Anyway, they offered to take me on another ride in their ambulance if I want.”</p>
<p>Of course she’d made friends with the ambulance drivers while having her X-rays. Kira would have done the same thing. She’d have already had them over for dinner, and Ben would have grumbled and then caught himself smiling on his second trip to the basement for more wine. It had been nice to have a partner whose sunny disposition brightened not just his own life but everyone else’s.</p>
<p>“You can probably come, too, if we ask nicely,” she added.</p>
<p>“I can’t believe you would ever <em>not</em> ask nicely,” he said. “You’re very—you seem like a good person. It actually felt good to talk to you about Kira.”</p>
<p>“I’m following the light side of the Force, Ben. The good side,” she said. Her smile drooped a little. “And I’ve lost a lot of people.”</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>Aside from a run-in with Hux in the parking lot, they didn’t see anyone else at the Christmas tree farm. Everyone else in town probably had a lot more Christmas spirit than Ben and already had theirs up. Which was why Ben agreed to let Rey get her laser sword from the car to chop down the tree she’d selected—after a scan of the forest for a telltale shock of red hair.</p>
<p>She felled it in one stroke and turned to him with a grin. “Want to try?”</p>
<p>Without waiting for a response, Rey wrapped her arms around him and positioned his hands on the grip, covering his fingers with her own.</p>
<p>“Don’t be afraid,” she said. How could she tell his palms were sweating under his gloves? “We’re going to switch it on, and then we’re going to slice the tree stump. I’ll guide you.”</p>
<p>Her arms were squeezing him so tightly, struggling to get all the way around his body, that he felt like he could barely breathe. Or maybe it was just looking at her hands on the hilt and thinking about how they’d look wrapped around something else long and thick.</p>
<p>“Ready?” She poised her thumb.</p>
<p>“Ready,” he said, and the blade buzzed to life. Rey helped him do a practice swing, then together they chopped the tree stump to the ground. The snow melted instantly, fizzing away, and the chunk of wood went flying.</p>
<p>“Holy shit,” he breathed. He wasn’t sure he’d ever done anything quite so viscerally satisfying. Except the other thing on his mind while her body was molded to his. </p>
<p>She switched the sword off and twisted to grin up at him, arms still vice-tight on his ribs. “It’s fun, right?”</p>
<p>“You could <em>destroy</em> something with that.”</p>
<p>Rey winked. “Luckily I’m trained to use it.” She tucked the sword back in the pocket of the coat she’d borrowed from him. “What now?”</p>
<p>“We tie the tree to the top of the car and bring it home,” Ben said. As they hauled it to the parking lot, Rey yanking the top and Ben holding the trunk, he remembered what she’d said before. “The person you lost—the other Ben? He had a sword like that too, right?”</p>
<p>She huffed loudly enough that Ben could tell she was rolling her eyes, even though she was facing away from him. “Mine is <em>much</em> better than his was. He was lucky he didn’t burn his hand off.”</p>
<p>“Did you collect weapons or something?”</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>He waited until they’d heaved the tree onto the roof of his car before asking. “Why did you both have laser swords?”</p>
<p>She smiled fondly from her side. “The other Ben was—how do I put this? He was my nemesis.”</p>
<p>“Didn’t you tell me—then why—you <em>strongly</em> implied yesterday that he was fingering you. With gloves on.”</p>
<p>She blushed and ducked behind the car, pretending to look for the end of the rope. “We could see into each other’s minds. He had a lot of thoughts about me.” Her face popped back up. “He was very good-looking. Like you. Except when he insisted on leaving his stupid helmet on.” Her expression turned wistful. “He also had a huge—”</p>
<p>“Power?” Ben teased her.</p>
<p>“That, and he also had a huge cock,” she said. She met his eyes over the roof. “Like you.”</p>
<p>It shouldn’t have made him blush, but it did. “Okay, so the sexy kind of nemesis,” he said quickly. “What did he do that was so bad?”</p>
<p>“He was basically a galactic dictator,” she said. She sighed. “He chose the path of the dark side and gave himself a stupid new name, Kylo Ren. So <em>technically</em> I never even got to be with Ben. Just Kylo. It was complicated.”</p>
<p>“So, what, he killed a lot of people?”</p>
<p>Her eyes flashed. “It wasn’t that many. And the whole time, there was still lightness in him. I could feel it, even when we were on opposite sides of a war. Otherwise I wouldn’t have been able to overlook the murders.”</p>
<p>Ben wasn’t sure if that was a joke or not.</p>
<p>“But he killed his mentor to save me, and then we fought by each other’s sides like we were one,” she continued, her eyes getting dreamy. “Then he helped me defeat my evil grandfather when he rose from the dead and had to be defeated again.”</p>
<p>He couldn’t tell whether that was meant to be a joke, either. “Sounds like a tough family,” he said, aiming for sympathetic.</p>
<p>“I didn’t <em>know</em> he was my grandfather,” she said, frowning at this, or maybe at the knot she’d tied that wasn’t quite tight enough. “He wasn’t the sort of person you’d think would—you know.”</p>
<p><em>Fuck</em>? Ben thought. “Have grandchildren?” he asked out loud.</p>
<p>“Yeah. Or open his heart to anyone else. But Ben was that sort of person, even when he was Kylo. He opened his mind to me. I always believed there was still good in him, and in the end he sacrificed himself to save me. He redeemed himself.”</p>
<p>They met at the back of the car to secure the ends of the rope in the trunk. He put a hand on hers. “Do you feel like you have to live a better life because he died and you lived?” he asked, seriously.</p>
<p>“Yeah.” Her eyes widened in surprise. “Exactly.”</p>
<p>“I feel that way, too.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>While there's an old crone mention in this chapter, can we talk about how the person playing her was, like, in her 30s, MAX?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>cw: In this chapter, Ben suggests that adults are lying to children about S*nta!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>After they untied the tree and secured it in the stand, using Rey’s lightsaber to trim the top so it would fit in Ben’s living room, she was feeling pretty good. She’d gotten laid, she’d helped him with his errand, and from the way he stiffened and tried to hide it when she wrapped her fingers around his on her saber hilt, she figured she could get laid again later.</p>
<p>Maybe it was time to start thinking about her quest. Do a little recon to get going. She thought she’d go back to the Christmas Cantina and investigate, to see if there was a reason she’d been sent there specifically.</p>
<p>But when she asked Ben to borrow his car, he gave her the same disapproving look Kylo always did when she neglected to listen carefully to his theories about Force dyads. (Sometimes she did it on purpose just for the little thrill when he got stern and tried to make her pay attention.) </p>
<p>For half an hour she listed all the crafts she’d ever piloted, from speeders to freighters to fighters, arguing that she could jump into any cockpit. Finally she recounted how she’d escaped Jakku on the Millennium Falcon, not even embellishing, and he sighed and went for the keys.</p>
<p>The problem was that she was more used to flying than driving, and she’d never jumped into a cockpit quite like this before. Or piloted a craft like this in the snow. And it was so much slower than flying. She managed to keep the wheels in line as she inched down Ben’s street, but they seemed determined to veer into a snowbank on the first downhill slope. It was going to take forever to reach the Christmas Cantina at this rate.</p>
<p>As soon as she recognized the brick façades of the shops close to the festival, near the spot where she’d jumped in front of Ben’s car, she pulled over and shut off the engine. She’d walk the rest of the way. Rey climbed out and pressed the button that made the car chirp like she’d seen Ben do—whoops, that one made it honk while everyone covered their ears and glared at her—and followed the music and excited chatter.</p>
<p>All the cantinas she’d been to were packed, noisy hubs of sketchy drinking and even sketchier dealings, into whose dark corners it was best not to peer. Everyone at this Cantina, though, seemed to be there with their whole family, waiting in line for something. </p>
<p>The children seemed happy about it, but perhaps they didn’t know any better. Maybe they had to queue for portions the way she had to in Niima. If she could find out who was in charge, she could free them from this oppression and complete her quest.</p>
<p>Rey turned to a child at the back. “Who’s responsible for this line?” she asked.</p>
<p>“We’re waiting to see Santa!” The child was thrilled about this.</p>
<p>“And what happens when you see the Santa?”</p>
<p>“You tell him what you want for Christmas so he can bring it to you.” The child’s expression turned to one of pity for Rey, the poor soul who wasn’t aware how the world worked.</p>
<p>“Does it cost anything?”</p>
<p>Now a skeptical look. “You have to say whether you’ve been good this year.”</p>
<p>“Oh, I’ve been good,” Rey assured the child. She had <em>better</em> get credit for not turning. Being seduced by a dark-sider wasn’t the same as actually being seduced by the dark side. “Thanks.”</p>
<p>She thought about it as she shuffled forward. It sounded like this Santa was the source of the Christmas presents Ben had mentioned. He’d have to use the Force, naturally, to get them to everybody in town. Maybe Santa could help her with this quest that would apparently make her a true Jedi.</p>
<p>Finally Rey’s turn came and she approached Santa, an older man with a long white beard and a red velvet outfit. So that’s who was on the sweater she’d dug out of Ben’s closet. Santa smiled kindly and asked what her Christmas wish was.</p>
<p>“I need some advice, Master Santa,” she said, trying to be respectful. “I’ve been sent here on a quest, and I’m not sure what it is.”</p>
<p>“A quest, you say?”</p>
<p>“Luke appeared to me in a vision and told me that if I complete it by midnight on Christmas Eve, I’ll be a true Jedi knight. I came here to try to figure out what I’m supposed to do, so I’m asking for your help.”</p>
<p>“Ah.” Santa nodded. “Some advice? You say you came here to try to figure out your quest. Figure it out or not, my young friend. There is no ‘try.’”</p>
<p>“Okay,” Rey said. So much for finding the answer at the Christmas Cantina. “Thanks.”</p>
<p>“Merry Christmas!” Santa gave her another smile and turned to the next family in line.</p>
<p>She was trudging back to the entrance when someone called her name. Then there were footsteps sliding through the snow, then someone grabbed her shoulders. She tensed to strike if she needed to.</p>
<p>“Rey! Are you okay?” Ben ignored her fists and pulled her to him.</p>
<p>“Of course,” she said, confused. “I went to see Santa and asked him about my quest.”</p>
<p>He took a deep breath to calm down. The buttons of his coat imprinted on her cheeks. “Finn called to say he saw my car abandoned on the main street. He remembered it from the other night. The bumper is all dented, so I was afraid you were hurt.”</p>
<p>“That wasn’t a parking bay?”</p>
<p>“It was on the road,” Ben said, sterner now. He released her from the hug. “You can’t just crash it and leave it there.”</p>
<p>Rey shifted, uncomfortably aware that his exasperation was turning her on. If it were Kylo, she’d egg him on until his anger boiled over and he couldn’t help but bend her over the nearest console. </p>
<p>She blinked away that line of thought, also aware that Ben was waiting for her to explain herself.</p>
<p>“I didn’t crash it,” she said, defensive. She couldn’t let Ben think she was <em>that</em> bad of a pilot when she wasn’t. “Someone probably hit it. But I can fix it. Maybe that’s my quest! I’ll repair your car for you.”</p>
<p>Ben sighed. “You know I run a garage, right? I can fix it myself.” He held out a hand. “Let’s go get the car and go home.”</p>
<p>She hesitated. How many times would she think she’d figured it out, only to realize she hadn’t? How was she supposed to just figure it out, like Santa had told her?</p>
<p>“Ben?” she asked. “What if I don’t figure out my quest by the deadline? Santa’s advice didn’t really help. Am I supposed to keep living in your house forever and taking your car when I want to go anywhere?”</p>
<p>“I don’t know,” he said. He stretched his fingers, still waiting for her to take his hand. “But you’re welcome to stay until you figure it out. And if Santa didn’t help you, I’ll help you. We’ll figure it out together.”</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>He’d suggested a shower when they got back to the house to give himself time to cool off, and sent Rey to the second bathroom while he cranked the water in the master.</p>
<p>But standing under the hot spray only got him more heated. How could he have been so stupid, he thought as he removed a layer of skin with the loofah. He should never have let her sweet-talk him into giving her the keys with her impressive-if-true tales about flying. It was bad enough that he’d almost hurt her with his car. What was he thinking, inviting her to hurt herself with it? </p>
<p>He was lucky she’d made friends with Finn so the EMT remembered his car and was nice enough to call. He was extra lucky she hadn’t hurt anyone. He could have torn his hair out in frustration instead of rubbing shampoo into it.</p>
<p>“Ben?”</p>
<p>Was he imagining her voice over the noise of the shower and the vent fan? He rinsed his hands and wiped the shampoo off his face. Oh, no. He wasn’t imagining anything; Rey was standing in his bathroom, wrapped only in a towel that barely reached the tops of her thighs.</p>
<p>“Do you need more shampoo?” he asked, praying that the steam on the glass door hid how fast his cock was swelling.</p>
<p>“You told me I needed a shower,” she said sweetly, and let the towel fall. That was fine. The steam also meant he couldn’t see what color her nipples were or whether she had freckles all over or whether the same desire making his heart pound was blooming in her hazel eyes.</p>
<p>Until she slid the door open. She slipped past him to stand under the spray, nonchalant, like this was what he’d asked for. She closed her eyes and tipped her head back to get wet, while he took the opportunity to memorize how the water beaded on her breasts. He pulled his gaze away before she opened her eyes, but she must have known that he’d looked—and liked what he saw—from her glance at his cock, starting to strain toward her.</p>
<p>Rey turned around to rinse her front, giving him a view of her perfectly rounded ass. He’d known it would be gorgeous, biteable, from the way it had felt rubbing against him while he’d fingered her. By the time she faced him again and asked, oh so casually, for the shampoo, he was possibly harder than he’d ever been. It was like his dick had remembered her saying <em>He had a huge cock. Like you</em> and was trying to prove her right.</p>
<p>“You can rinse while I shampoo,” she said, stepping around him so he could get under the water.</p>
<p>“I didn’t mean you had to shower in here,” he said firmly, trying to pretend he was in control of the situation and his cock wasn’t throbbing in the space between them like a third person in the shower.</p>
<p>“I wanted to shower in here,” she said. “With you.”</p>
<p>“Just to shower?” He’d meant to be strict, to get her to admit what she was doing, but it came out as more of an invitation.</p>
<p>Her eyes lit up. “No,” she breathed. “Turn around.”</p>
<p>She waited for him to face the spout, then snaked her arms around him and trailed her fingertips up and down his cock, barely using more pressure than the spray from the shower.</p>
<p>“You made me feel so good,” she said. “Can I make you come?”</p>
<p>“With your hands,” he told her, because her fingers were already on him and it was the first thing that came to mind that was real words. Rey shifted her hips against his ass, like maybe she needed to rub up on him a little, then wrapped her hand around him. She gripped him tightly and started stroking him fast and furious, like she was going to work the come out of him and possibly pull his dick off, too.</p>
<p>He caught her fingers. “Slow down,” he gasped.</p>
<p>“Sorry,” she said, and loosened her hold. “That was how—never mind. Is this good?”</p>
<p>“Nice and easy,” he said. He kept his hand on hers and thrust a few times. She got the idea and gave him longer, slower strokes, twisting her wrist a little when her fingers reached the tip of his cock, the same practiced movement she did when switching on her sword.</p>
<p>“Like that?”</p>
<p>“Fuck. Yes.” Even before she touched him, he’d been ready to blow. Now that he’d showed her what he liked, he wasn’t going to need much to come.</p>
<p>“Did you think about this when you used my lightsaber?” she asked over his shoulder, pressing herself even closer.</p>
<p>All he could do was groan in response.</p>
<p>“I did,” she continued. “It’s like having a big hard cock in your hands. All hot and heavy. It’s fun to swing it around. Isn’t it?”</p>
<p>He grunted, all thoughts whited out by the pressure mounting in his balls.</p>
<p>“Sometimes,” Rey said, her voice very sweet, “I pretend it’s <em>my</em> cock. Would you like to see me with a cock?”</p>
<p>That sweet, filthy question, paired with the just-right pressure of her hand, tipped him over. He slammed a hand into the wall to brace himself, feeling like his knees would buckle as he shot onto the tile.</p>
<p>Ben caught his breath and turned around, his heart full of gratitude, his dented car forgotten, to see Rey licking some of his come off her finger instead of rinsing it under the shower.</p>
<p>She winked at him for the second time that day. “I’ll take that as a maybe.”</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>It took all of five minutes for Claire to be smitten with Rey—really, it happened the second Rey introduced herself as a knight who was staying with Ben while she was on an important quest—and to ask if they could please go outside so Rey could teach her how to fight.</p>
<p>“Do <em>not</em> get out the laser sword,” Ben warned Rey in a whisper while he held up a coat so she could slip her arms in.</p>
<p>“Before you practice fighting, you have to practice feeling,” she said brightly, zipping up. Ben took this to mean she understood.</p>
<p>Once Rey and Claire were outside, Poe strung ornaments onto a single branch for all of two minutes before launching his volley of questions.</p>
<p>“She thinks she’s a <em>knight</em>? How hard did you hit her with your car, Ben?” </p>
<p>When Poe put it that way, it did sound a little ridiculous. “She’s harmless. And she looks like she knows what she’s doing.” Ben pointed out the window; in the yard, Rey was demonstrating some stretches while Claire followed along, her bright red jacket and matching red bobble hat cheery against the snow.</p>
<p>“But, like, an old-timey, round-table knight? Sworn to virtue and chastity and all that?”</p>
<p>Ben reached around to the back of the tree, acting like he was hunting for the perfect branch, to hide his flush. His houseguest had many virtuous qualities, but chastity was not one of them.</p>
<p>“Oh, come on,” Poe said, tugging Ben’s arm. “I don’t care what you’re doing with her in the privacy of your own home. Maybe Claire’s wish will come true and you’ll get a new girlfriend for Christmas.”</p>
<p>“We’re just—helping each other,” Ben said. “She lost someone, too, and it’s good to talk to someone who understands.”</p>
<p>“Does this mean we’re all going to stop hearing about how true love doesn’t exist? You’re going to have to quit moaning about it in front of Claire or else it’s going to affect her ability to form healthy relationships.”</p>
<p>“I’m willing to help you with the Santa lie,” Ben conceded. “But I’m not going to sugar-coat the difficulty of finding and keeping a life partner you truly connect with.”</p>
<p>“Sure, keep telling yourself that,” Poe said. “I bet Rey can help you turn that frown upside down. Look how much fun they’re having. She’s teaching Claire how to fight with anyone who won’t give her a healthy relationship.” Actually, it looked like Rey was letting Claire whale on her, holding a stick while Claire unleashed a series of kicks that mostly landed on Rey’s shins.</p>
<p>“I invited you to decorate the tree, didn’t I? And I’m not crying.”</p>
<p>“I’m just saying.” Poe held up his ornament-laden hands innocently. “She’s very pretty. She reminds me a lot of—”</p>
<p>“Kira. I know.” Ben bent down to fix a light that was about to slip off the pine needles.</p>
<p>“Did you ever think this could be your second chance at true love?” Poe asked seriously.</p>
<p>“Did you ever think Claire was going to get a puppy for Christmas?” Ben shot back.</p>
<p>“Not a chance.”</p>
<p>“Exactly. I’m helping Rey until she remembers where she came from and goes back there. That’s all this is.”</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>There was plenty of room in the bed. It was long enough for Ben’s legs, wide enough for him to starfish. Rey was small enough compared to him that they’d easily fit in it together. But it felt like it might be too much. It was one thing to slide his hand down her leggings while they watched TV. He was helping her relax. Same thing with her bringing him off in the shower. She’d probably wanted to repay the favor. </p>
<p>It would be another thing to be able to turn over and reach for her. To actually dip his cock into the soft wetness he’d delved with his fingers, to watch her eyes widen when he pushed inside, to fill her up over and over while she arched her back and told him he had a huge—yeah.</p>
<p>Ben was afraid he wouldn’t want to stop. Plus, there was the ethical question.</p>
<p><em>You cannot do these filthy things to a woman who thinks she’s a time-traveling knight until she recovers her senses</em>, the valiant half of his brain insisted. <em>But you could if she actually</em> is <em>a time-traveling knight</em>, the other half whispered to him urgently. <em>She’s got a fucking laser sword and an incredible, dirty mind</em>.</p>
<p>So he was sleeping on the couch. For now. The house seemed to sigh around Ben as he curled up to fit his toes under the blanket that night, all its wooden floorboards and sashed windows and plaster walls settling in for a long winter’s nap.</p>
<p>No. That was a creak on the stairs. He sat up and cracked an eye open. Rey froze on the bottom step.</p>
<p>“Sorry,” she whispered. “I didn’t mean to wake you up.”</p>
<p>She tiptoed into the room, even though they were both awake. “Actually, I did. Can you come sleep with me in the bed?”</p>
<p>“I don’t know, Rey,” he said. She came right up to the back of the couch and leaned over, pleading with her eyes. He wasn’t sure what was worse, the way his For a Fast One, Call Solo’s Garage T-shirt gaped at the front, nearly giving him a view from her nipples to her navel, or the fact that she was in his T-shirt at all.</p>
<p>“Please, Ben? I just want you to hold me.”</p>
<p>Both sides of his brain agreed this was allowed. He folded the blanket and followed her upstairs, where his carefully tucked flannel sheets had been kicked into a nest. She arranged both of their bodies—her back against his chest, his arm across her hip, her freezing toes wedged between his shins—and sighed, not quite content.</p>
<p>“Ben,” she whispered.</p>
<p>“Don’t tell me you need a drink of water,” he whispered back.</p>
<p>“No. What is this?”</p>
<p>“Spooning?”</p>
<p>“Why are you helping me? Claire said Poe calls you his grumpy buddy. Why are you being so nice to me?”</p>
<p>Ben thought for a second. “You seem lonely,” he said. “And I’m lonely. We’re two lonely people helping each other through the holidays.”</p>
<p>“What happens after?”</p>
<p>“Well, one of us is going to complete her quest and go back to—the world you came from. One of us is going to take down the Christmas tree and go back to work at the garage.</p>
<p>“That’s okay,” he added, thinking of what his therapist had told him when he complained that he couldn’t find anyone he wanted to date seriously. “This doesn’t have to be an earth-shattering connection with your one true soulmate. We can spend some time together and then go our separate ways. If it’s good, it’s good.”</p>
<p>She went quiet for a moment. Then, “Good? That’s what this is?”</p>
<p>“Yeah. I’m going to help you with your quest, you’re helping me with my Christmas chores, and we’re having, uh, fun together.”</p>
<p>“Fun,” she repeated scornfully. “Ben, it was amazing when you made me come. Do I need to try again?”</p>
<p>“No,” he said hastily. “I mean, yes. It was—incredible. Definitely try again. But not now.”</p>
<p>She laughed sleepily, from deep in her throat, and it made him laugh, too.</p>
<p>“I like when you laugh,” Rey murmured, and <em>that</em> tugged at that tender place inside him. Not his dick, for once. He tightened his arm around her and that eased the tenderness. It made him feel better as he drifted off.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Everyone, it's okay! It's totally not love!</p>
<p>And to the FBI/insurance agent monitoring my internet use: I would never let a time traveler without a license borrow my car.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The slimmest finger of light had poked into the bedroom when Rey opened her eyes. Just enough to see that Ben was still sleeping, shoulders snuggled up by his ears and lips slightly parted.</p>
<p>Something flickered in her chest. She stilled to see what it was. It felt like a forgotten word on the tip of her tongue. It had stirred the night before, too, when she and Ben had teased each other, and it wasn’t just because she’d been able to feel the rumble of his laugh in her own ribs. </p>
<p>It was—she was a little afraid to think it, lest it flicker out. It was <em>almost</em> like the bond she’d had with Kylo. A vague feeling that someone else was out there.</p>
<p>Rey decided to get up and investigate. Maybe there was something in the neighborhood that was giving her this feeling. She’d go for a run on the streets around Ben’s house and see whether the feeling got stronger or weaker. If it got stronger, she’d reach out with the Force and see what happened. If it went away, the run could be her warmup, and she’d spar with the tiny trees planted around the house.</p>
<p>The smart thing, she realized, would have been to do some sparring before. What if she actually had to fight to complete her quest? She’d been allowed to bring her weapon, after all, which meant she might need it. This was no time to get lazy. She had a deadline. She had to trust she’d been sent here for an important reason.</p>
<p>The air outside the covers was frigid, but if she hurried, she’d be huffing and puffing in no time. She sidestepped the creaky floorboard so she wouldn’t wake Ben and slipped silently out of the house.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>The Christmas Cantina was buzzing as Ben walked through the velvet ropes outlining the queue to see Santa. Wind whistled in the branches of the pines strung with lights. Santa beckoned him forward with one hand, waving stiffly. As Ben approached and opened his mouth to speak, lightning shot out of Santa’s eyes.</p>
<p>He gasped and woke himself up.</p>
<p>He’d been sleeping so soundly with Rey tucked up next to him, matching his breathing to hers. Now he was wide awake. Hux’s Christmas lights must have snapped. Flashes of light crept through the bedroom curtains, and a dim electrical hum faded in and out. The commotion must have woken Rey up; her side of the bed was chilly when he slid a toe across.</p>
<p>The display next door had started with a few strings of lights wrapped around the columns holding up Hux’s front porch. That was fine. The next year, the lights flashed. That was fine, too. Then his neighbor had tacked color-changing icicle lights to every eave, bought a projector that made snowflakes dance on the front of the house, and planted a forest of inflatable creatures in the yard, which ballooned to life every night and collapsed at dawn like they’d lost the will to go on. The latest addition was a giant sleigh packed with the horrifying cargo of a waving animatronic Santa whose blank-eyed stare was—quite literally—the stuff of nightmares.</p>
<p>It was only a matter of time before the whole thing either caught fire or knocked out power to the entire block. Ben eased himself out of bed with the thought of how how it would feel to punch Hux in the face and peered outside to make sure there were no live wires dangling over the sidewalk.</p>
<p>Scratch that. He was wrong. The flashes were coming from his own yard, where Rey was whirling around, laser sword glowing, advancing menacingly toward his snow-capped shrubs before stopping short and slicing off a single leaf with surgical precision. She crouched over the path and held the laser over the puddle she’d slipped on, melting the ice.</p>
<p>Hux was already crossing his own lawn by the time Ben grabbed his boots and went outside to stop her. Rey extinguished the blade when she saw Hux, but judging by the scowl on her sweaty face, Ben thought he’d better step in.</p>
<p>“Nice morning,” he said mildly. “Out to get the paper?”</p>
<p>“I heard all this weird buzzing—” Hux started.</p>
<p>Ben cut him off. “Rey was just getting in an early workout before breakfast. But the waffles are hot and ready to eat,” he said, giving her a look.</p>
<p>Hux’s face fell, then brightened as he had an obvious brainwave. “I guess you’d better go,” he said, looking at Ben. “But if you’re around later, you should join us. We’re going caroling and delivering cookies to all the families around the neighborhood.”</p>
<p>The grimace wasn’t a conscious decision; Ben’s face just jerked itself into a frown like he actually had been shocked by a stray wire. Caroling was the sort of neighborhood activity he should try, if not to make friends than to not be alone. But the thought of standing next to Hux as he warbled through Rudolph and then rehashed the minutes of the latest neighborhood association meeting was too much. </p>
<p>It would be the summer’s block-party barbecue all over again, when Ben had offered to man the grill so he wouldn’t have to talk to anyone, just flip burgers, and had ended up cornered there while Hux shared his opinions on the best tools for gutter maintenance.</p>
<p>He was likely a nice enough guy. The neighborhood kids loved the Christmas-light display. The neighborhood grown-ups probably loved that Hux was organizing the caroling and cookie exchange.</p>
<p>There was something about his neighbor, though, that made Ben want to tell him to shut up and go away. Or, when it wasn’t Christmas, to punch him in the face. Maybe it was the obvious way Hux tried to look inside Ben’s house when he appeared on the porch to offer a slice of lemon poppyseed loaf or an Earl Grey macaron. (They were delicious, but Ben would rather buy them from a baker who wouldn’t ask whether he’d ever tried swathing his shrubs in fabric to protect them from frost, and if so, what kind of fabric.) </p>
<p>Maybe it was the obvious pity when he’d appeared in his yard to ask if everything was all right when Ben had <em>just</em> finished telling Bazine, in his driveway, that he never wanted to see her cheating self ever again and everything was clearly <em>not</em> all right.</p>
<p>“Ben can’t come,” Rey blurted. “We’re busy later.”</p>
<p>That wiped the hopeful smile off Hux’s face. “That’s too bad,” he said. “We could really use a bass voice like yours. To bring the carols down. I mean, for the harmonies.”</p>
<p>“It is,” Ben agreed. “See you around.” Before his neighbor could respond, he grabbed Rey’s arm, hurried her inside, and shut the door. For a moment he thought about pulling her all the way up the stairs and back into the bed. Or into the shower. He could help her peel off her sweaty clothes. Or he could just lick the sweat off her. </p>
<p>But Rey set her sword on the console in the entry and sniffed.</p>
<p>“I thought you said breakfast was ready,” she said, her scowl back.</p>
<p>“That’s why you told him we couldn’t go caroling? It seems like the kind of fun activity you’d enjoy. You go around singing and eating cookies.”</p>
<p>She shook her head. “Why would I want to go caroling with him? It doesn’t seem like you like him very much. He’s always lurking around your house.”</p>
<p>“That’s true,” Ben said. It was. He was a little surprised she’d noticed after meeting his neighbor all of twice. “You don’t have to attack him with your sword or anything, though.”</p>
<p>“I’ll just ask him some questions,” she said coldly. “But not when there are children around. Now, about breakfast?”</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>Rey had been to quite a few planets. But she’d never been as impressed by a new world as when the automatic doors parted for her at the grocery store and the smell of fresh-baked bread—and a hundred other delicious things—whooshed out. </p>
<p>Ben had been apologetic when he told her he couldn’t put off this errand any longer and that she had to leave the sword at home. He’d been right, though, when he promised she’d enjoy herself. She let him push the cart of food and clung to his arm while she walked beside him, squeezing it both in excitement over the entire aisle of packets and powders for making hot drinks and for the pleasure of feeling his firm bicep under his coat.</p>
<p>Even better was the feeling of making him laugh when she guessed where all the meat had come from in the butcher’s display.</p>
<p>“This creature has feathers,” she said.</p>
<p>“Correct.”</p>
<p>“And they’re...bright blue. It flies and it has a pouch on its front.”</p>
<p>“No. That’s chicken,” he said, biting his lip to hold in a snort. He tapped at his little datapad, which he called a phone, and showed her a picture. “It also lays the eggs we’ve been having for breakfast.”</p>
<p>“Okay, okay, this one also has feathers, but it has four legs and a long snout,” she said, pointing at another package of meat. “It climbs trees and then sits on a branch and drops its snout down to eat smaller things.”</p>
<p>“Draw me a picture.” He tapped at the phone some more and held it out. “Drag your finger along.”</p>
<p>She balanced it on the cart and drew while she pushed and Ben gathered, among other things, a box he said contained ice cream for milkshakes, and a bag of brown lumps that looked like rocks, which he swore they could turn into fries.</p>
<p>He asked for the phone back to check his list and almost dropped it when he saw her drawing. His eyes teared up and he doubled over, leaning on the side of the cart, shoulders shaking silently.</p>
<p>“What’s so funny?” Rey knew her drawing wasn’t <em>that</em> good, but she didn’t think it was that bad, either. She’d sketched and built a whole functional lightsaber.</p>
<p>Ben tried to reply three times before he could get anything out. “It’s just,” he gasped. “Just—”</p>
<p>He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “There’s no way it could walk on those legs.” He pressed his lips together and giggled to himself for a few more seconds before going on. “They’d all bend backwards. It’s like a barrel on twigs. With a penis that drags on the ground.”</p>
<p>“That’s the snout!” That was an accident. If she’d wanted to draw a penis, she could have drawn a more realistic one. Then again, if she’d known Ben’s cheeks would dimple that way when he laughed, she might have drawn an even worse one on purpose.</p>
<p>“I’m saving this,” he told her, tapping to clear the screen. “But what you want is something more like—” He traced a few lines, giving her imaginary animal more graceful proportions and a useful snout. “What color is this one?”</p>
<p>“Green. Like leaves.” </p>
<p>He tapped one final time to make it green and showed her the result, which could have pranced off the screen.</p>
<p>“If you want, I can teach you,” he said apologetically. “If you can fix things, you can draw them. It’s all about figuring out how they fit together.”</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>She was sniffing each fruit on display, imagining what they’d all taste like, when a gruff voice called Ben’s name. It was an older man with shaggy hair graying at the roots, longer than Ben’s, sporting a jean jacket in spite of the cold outside. His eyes went wide when Rey turned around and he saw her face. She swiped at her chin. </p>
<p>So she’d snuck a berry or two when nobody was looking and Ben went to another aisle for a few minutes, telling her he had to grab something and would come back to find her in the produce department. She hadn’t thought she’d let any juice dribble out.</p>
<p>“Chewie, this is Rey,” Ben said quickly. “She’s staying with me for Christmas. Rey, Chewie is my partner at the garage.” Of <em>course</em> that was the man’s name. Leave it to Luke to send her to some kind of parallel universe where everyone was the spitting image of someone she knew, only none of them knew her in turn. At least here Chewie and Ben were friendly.</p>
<p>The man’s eyes were still uncertain as he shook her hand. “I never thought I’d see—” He cut himself off.</p>
<p>“Did you know Kira, too?” she asked, guessing what he’d been about to say. People always tiptoed around mentioning a person who was gone, like the mere sound of their name would bring on sobbing fits. Unless the person you’d lost was your sworn enemy who’d been dicking you down in secret, and then people <em>never</em> mentioned his name because they were glad he was gone and could never know what he meant. “Ben told me I look just like her.”</p>
<p>The uncertainty faded, replaced by a mischievous gleam. “He did, did he? I never thought I’d see that, either. How did you two meet?”</p>
<p>“At the Christmas Cantina,” Ben said, at the same time that Rey came out with, “I jumped in front of his car.”</p>
<p>The gleam got brighter. “I’m glad you did,” Chewie said. “You’ll keep Ben on his toes, won’t you?”</p>
<p>“She’s helping me with some errands for Poe’s charity Christmas dinner,” Ben said. “We’ll see you there.” He wheeled the cart around, one-handed, to head in the opposite direction.</p>
<p>“Sure thing,” Chewie said. “And Ben? I can handle the garage the day after Christmas. In case you’re worn out after the dinner and the holidays.”</p>
<p>“Why would the dinner wear me out?” Ben asked stubbornly.</p>
<p>Chewie didn’t answer the question. “You kids have fun,” was all he said before he wandered off to an aisle labeled Cereal.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>“Why were you trying to get rid of Chewie?” she asked when they were out of earshot in the bakery section. “He was being nice.”</p>
<p>“He just wants to give me shit,” Ben muttered.</p>
<p>“About what? Besides your giant ears.” She bent over an array of clear drawers, sniffing the different kinds of rolls. Could she tear off a piece when Ben wasn’t looking?</p>
<p>“Chewie thinks you’re my new girlfriend,” Ben admitted. “I know, it’s ridiculous. Feel free to laugh.”</p>
<p>Was this his way of trying to tell her he didn’t want to see her naked again? That he’d refuse to let her get her hands on him once more? Fine. She’d refuse to let him off the hook.</p>
<p>“Does that mean you’re not attracted to me after all?” she demanded. “You said I could make you come again.”</p>
<p>“What? No,” he said. He flushed. “You’re very attractive. You’re—you’re like a dream. But it’s ridiculous to think you’d be my girlfriend. Anyway, let’s get the last things and go. I figured instead of buying a bunch of dinner rolls, we could make some this afternoon.”</p>
<p>Rey paused. She could recognize a distraction when she heard one, but she was still curious. “You can bake bread?” she asked.</p>
<p>“I went through a sourdough bread phase,” he said sheepishly. “I still keep all the flours in my freezer, so they stay fresh.”</p>
<p>“Let’s bake, then.” She allowed herself a moment to fantasize about tearing into rolls hot and pillowy from the oven, a whole tray all for herself. About Ben tearing the rolls up and feeding them to her, fingers grazing her lips. She’d let her tongue slide out to tease, leave her mouth open and ready for whatever else he wanted to feed her. </p>
<p>He was wheeling the cart away. She had to get back to the question at hand. “I don’t understand, though. Why would it be so ridiculous that you’d have a new girlfriend?” she needled.</p>
<p>“What’s the point?” he said. “I had my chance and I messed it up.”</p>
<p>That didn’t make any sense, and she told him so. “How did <em>you</em> mess it up if your person died?”</p>
<p>Ben stopped the cart. His mouth sagged. “It wasn’t really an accident. We were all skiing, and I ignored the warnings that day and got everyone to follow me. We shouldn’t have gone off the trails. It was my fault.”</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>She couldn’t let that lost-boy expression stay on Ben’s face. </p>
<p>Even if she had found it attractive when Kylo appeared to her with his mouth trembling and his eyes tearing. Or when he smashed consoles. He felt things deeply and hadn’t been afraid to show his passion, to let it flare and then burn out. It fizzled especially fast when she planted herself on top of that trembling mouth and got him so cunt-drunk he forgot to cry.</p>
<p>But with Ben, Rey would have to use words. So she brought it up again when they were in the car, groceries loaded in the back and Ben driving at a crawl, like he was making a point about safety, showing her how to do it without denting the bumper. Snow had started falling while they were in the store and was already sticking to the road, cottony and thick.</p>
<p>“Why does the accident have to be your fault?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>His fingers tightened on the steering wheel the way Kylo’s did on his saber when he was preparing to advance on her. Here it came: an argument. “Are you going to try to tell me it wasn’t my fault?” Ben asked. “I’m not interested. Trust me when I say, it was.”</p>
<p>She had a counter ready. “I’m not going to argue that it wasn’t. I’m asking why it matters.”</p>
<p>“Of course it matters,” he said. “I have to take responsibility.”</p>
<p>“And what does that mean? Feeling guilty?”</p>
<p>His grip tightened even more. “How would you feel?”</p>
<p>“I don’t know, Ben,” she said, trying to be gentle. “But I don’t think you believe there’s no such thing as true love. I think you believe you’re a bad person and you don’t deserve it.”</p>
<p>“I don’t. Deserve it.”</p>
<p>“Yes, you do. I would know,” she said. “Nobody is beyond redemption. Except my grandfather. I really hope he doesn’t come back again. I’d be so mad if my quest is to defeat him by myself.”</p>
<p>She was getting off track. “But even Kylo’s evil grandfather came around in the end,” she continued. “He helped his son—my teacher—defeat my grandfather, uh, many years before.”</p>
<p>“Sorry, whose grandfather?” They were stopped at an intersection, and he glanced at her in total confusion.</p>
<p>“Never mind. The point is, you can do terrible things and still have some goodness in you. Kylo killed a lot of people, but he tried to redeem himself. He changed. If you could be a better person, would you?”</p>
<p>“Obviously.”</p>
<p>“Do it, then. Or at least keep trying. I don’t care what the Santa said. Trying does matter.” She put a hand on Ben’s thigh, wanting to be reassuring but realizing as he tensed that it was more suggestive. She patted his leg awkwardly and left her hand there, trying not to squeeze. Or to imagine herself gripping each muscle-corded leg for leverage while she bobbed over his cock. Not in the middle of this serious conversation. If she pulled away, it would only make it weirder. </p>
<p>“You <em>are</em> trying,” she went on. “You’re helping Poe with this dinner. You haven’t punched Hux in the face yet. You’re helping me with my quest.”</p>
<p>“That makes me a good person after all?”</p>
<p>“I’m saying it makes you a person. Who deserves love,” Rey said. “I could love you even though you did something bad. For example. Maybe even <em>because</em> you did something bad and you’re trying to do better. It’s better than pretending you’re perfect and never did anything wrong.”</p>
<p>“You could love me, huh?” Ben took one hand off the steering wheel and covered the hand on his thigh, keeping it there. “Good to know.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Next time: Ben explains his sourdough process in detail while Rey listens attentively. For the sake of Poe's charity Christmas Eve dinner.</p>
<p>
  
</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>The movie: They're just gonna bake some bread, standing real close to each other. That's it, though. Don't think anything else will happen.<br/>Me: [screaming]</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The scents of yeast and butter hung in the air. Flour dusted every inch of Ben’s kitchen island. He’d made a giant ball of dough and was parceling it off using his kitchen scale to make sure each roll would have an identical mass. The idea was that they’d have identical shapes, too, but Rey was having trouble forming them into the perfect spheres he wanted. </p>
<p>It had been more fun just to watch Ben fret over the bread as steam crept up the kitchen windows. Drums brushed in the background of the swingy music playing from the TV, rustling and warm, and snow was still falling outside, heavier and thicker than when they’d driven home, muting the sounds outside their little brick-walled bubble.</p>
<p>She’d been happy to perch on a stool at the island, sipping her hot chocolate, spectating as he marshaled all the ingredients with practiced, military precision and weighed each before adding it to the bowl of the mixer but not turning it on. It was better, he explained, to mix by hand so you could really <em>feel</em> the gluten developing, which was impossible if you just switched on the dough hook and let the machine do the work. </p>
<p>Privately, Rey agreed it was better, but because he’d pushed his sleeves up to work the shaggy dough into a smooth ball, and his forearms corded every time he dug his fingers in or coaxed it with the flat of his palm. The apron he wore, which had a picture of Santa and a little man in green—When I Think About You, I Touch My Elf, it read—stretched over his chest while he worked. Last year’s Christmas gift from Poe, for the bread phase, Ben told her with an eyeroll.</p>
<p>What wasn’t quite as cozy was the energy between them. It had been weird since she’d told him <em>she</em> could love him on the ride home from the grocery store. His eyes held hers longer than usual while they put the groceries away and started the rolls, even as he recoiled at the merest brush of her sleeve against his sweater every time she handed him a box or can.</p>
<p>The conversation in the car hadn’t been a confession, but she worried that he took it as one and was trying to think of a way to tell her he wasn’t interested.</p>
<p>Still. He’d called her around the counter so she could try her hand at kneading, then hadn’t moved out of the way. She had to reach under his hands to get at the dough, and when their fingers brushed, he let his linger. His eyes dropped to her lips, and for a breathless instant, Rey had thought he would forget the rolls and kiss her.</p>
<p>Then he’d cleared his throat and directed her to keep kneading. The texture wasn’t quite right yet, apparently. Or the springiness. He had all sorts of words to describe qualities of bread that she’d never thought of before.</p>
<p>She channeled her frustration into the dough, folding and slapping it until Ben was satisfied and dismissed her to her stool. Everything between them—the blazing look at her lips, the jolt of electricity between their fingertips—had to spark into something more. It was only a matter of time, Rey told herself.</p>
<p>It felt like a long time, though. They had to let the dough rise until doubled, which would have been the perfect moment to repair to the couch or any other soft surface. But he insisted they use the hour to fill gift bags with candy, for Claire’s friends and the other kids in the neighborhood to take home from the Christmas Eve dinner.</p>
<p>By the time she tied the last ribbon around a bag full of sweets, it was too late: the dough was bubbly and fragrant. Ready to roll. Ben took his station by the scale and Rey took hers a few feet away, a sea of greased pans at her elbows for the shaped rolls to rise in.</p>
<p>She’d barely done half a dozen by the time Ben finished dividing the dough. He wiped his hands and pulled out his phone to take a photo to send Poe, proving he was following through on the promise to help with Poe’s dinner. After a closer look at her misshapen lumps, though, he put the phone away.</p>
<p>“Stop,” he said. “They’re not shaped right.”</p>
<p>“They look like rolls to me,” she insisted. “Or they will, after we bake them.”</p>
<p>This was the wrong thing to say. It sent him off on a lecture about the importance of developing surface tension on the rolls so they would rise properly in the oven, which could only be accomplished by twirling them delicately against the counter with both hands.</p>
<p>“And you have too much flour on the counter,” he added. “You’ll never get any of the friction you need that way.”</p>
<p>He had no idea how much friction was required. Watching his fingers get firm with the dough and listening to his stern monologue on bread shaping had created a need that rubbing her thighs together beneath her own apron—’Tis the Season to Be Naughty, with Santa in a compromising pose—couldn’t satisfy.</p>
<p>“Why don’t you show me how to do it?” she asked, cutting off a sentence about pockets of steam forming within a gluten matrix.</p>
<p>Ben stepped behind her, his arms long enough to reach around her with ease, and plucked an unshaped lump of dough from the pile. Awareness of him zinged along her spine as he hovered inches from her back. The drums got very quiet, or else her own breathing rustled louder. The snow muffled everything else. It felt like just the two of them in the world.</p>
<p>“Like this,” he said, and guided her hands around the dough. Together they pressed it and dragged it and twisted it until it was stretched smooth. A perfect roll.</p>
<p>“That’s it.” He punctuated the words by kissing the top of her head affectionately. Automatically.</p>
<p>He froze.</p>
<p>She kept still, too, even though her blood thudded through her veins, not wanting to scare him. She could sense his lips hovering just above her head, the way she could sense his body close to her spine. Would he clear his throat again and walk away, or would he tear her apron off and leave floury handprints on her ass? She couldn’t risk it. She had to have him.</p>
<p>“Again,” she whispered.</p>
<p>Ben was on her before the word was out. He pressed her hands into the island and held them there, splaying all their fingers flat, while he kissed her hair, her temples, the back of her neck, the collar of her sweater, whatever he could reach. </p>
<p>She swayed beneath the pressure of his lips, the edge of the countertop digging into her ribs as she leaned forward. Flour clung to the tips of her hair. She tried to stick her ass up and into him, hoping he’d pull her borrowed leggings down and fuck her like that, bent in half, hands held down as he shoved into her. Taking what they both wanted.</p>
<p>Instead he grabbed the hips she’d thrust back and spun her, pinning her to the island with his own. The edge of the wooden surface dug into her back and his eyes burned into her front, sweeping over her breasts like he hoped it would melt her clothes off.</p>
<p>Their mouths slid past each other, in too much of a hurry. His lips went everywhere else: her forehead, the side of her nose, the soft underside of her sharp chin. Hers met his Adam’s apple, the edge of his eyebrow, the mole above his lip. Like they had to taste and claim every inch of each other’s bodies.</p>
<p>Outside, the snow blanketed every divot in the yard. Inside, their lips connected at last, seam to seam. Their breathing rose until it was harsh and ragged, each taking the other’s air. The dry sounds of lips on skin changed to the wet ones of mouth on mouth, hot and slippery. The hard counter bruised her back; his hardening cock pressed her from beneath his apron and his jeans.</p>
<p>Ripping fabric tore into the quiet. He’d broken the strings of her apron and yanked it over her head along with her sweater, leaving her bare.</p>
<p>He kept her arms there, trapped in the sleeves, while he got on his knees and traced her navel, every rib, each nipple with his tongue, quick, demanding licks that made her shiver. Pulling her hands out, she grabbed two fistfuls of his hair, not caring how rough she was, and held his face to her tits, needing him closer. His nose rubbed her sternum as he inhaled her.</p>
<p>“More,” she whispered into his hair. Ben dragged his mouth back down her belly, nearly tearing the leggings in his haste to get them down, and buried his nose in the hair between her legs. He shouldered her thighs as far apart as they’d go so he could reach her clit, his tongue furious there, determined to lave away until he got to her white-hot center.</p>
<p>Outside, the snow drifted silently. Inside, her cunt dripped without making a sound. But she felt it trailing down the inside of her thigh, and it set off a wave of need that almost made her knees buckle.</p>
<p>She let them weaken and tilted her hips against his face, forcing him to support her with a hand on each thigh. She scrabbled at his clothes, impatient. He kept his mouth on her clit while she bent over and stripped him, leaving his sweater and apron hanging around his neck. Then Rey dropped to the floor beside him and licked the wetness off his face while he tried to kiss her at the same time.</p>
<p>The kitchen tile was hard and unforgiving on her knees. But she didn’t want to wait to move to the couch. She pushed at his shoulders until he was lying down and shuffled between his legs, sending a button flying in her eagerness to tug his pants off.</p>
<p>There was no time to sit there and admire his cock, not when it looked so hard it could pulse. Not when she was finally about to climb onto it and feel that smoothness pushing into her own softness. Unless—</p>
<p>“Can I try something?” she panted. He’d done so well with his tongue that she wanted to do something for him, too.</p>
<p>His eyes burned into her, dark and narrow, angry that she’d stopped before sinking onto him. “Hurry up,” he snapped.</p>
<p>Rey rested her hand on his cock—it seemed laughable that she’d ever been satisfied with her own fingers when she looked at them against his thickness—and focused. If she tapped into the Force just the right way, like she did when she was healing, she could send a rush of blood there and make him even harder.</p>
<p>His hips jerked. Amazement flashed in his eyes along with the impatience. “Holy shit,” he hissed.</p>
<p>“Did you like that?” she asked eagerly. “I can use it to choke you, too, like I did with—”</p>
<p>Ben sat up suddenly. “Don’t say it. Not when I’m fucking you,” he said, his voice dropping to a growl. She’d shown off her power; he was pushing back, showing off his strength. Hands on her shoulders, he urged her back until she was lying flat with the cool stone beneath her and his chiseled body above her. “Spread your legs and wait. I’m getting a condom.”</p>
<p>It only made her breathe harder. He was going to drive her out of her mind. If she’d known he would get so possessive, she’d have pushed him a little more, a little earlier. Hearing he wanted to claim her made her ache to give herself. She kicked the leggings aside; no sooner had she planted her feet and pulled her thighs apart, obedient, than she was desperate to rub them together again.</p>
<p>The floor rattled as he sprinted around the island, rummaged in a grocery bag, and tore open a package. Then he sprinted back, tugged the sweater and apron off his neck where they’d been dangling like a cape, and knelt over her.</p>
<p>Outside, the snow fell cold and soft. Inside, Rey was burning at the center as Ben pushed into her, just as hot and hard and urgent, and, without waiting, fucked her into the floor. He didn’t hold back. Didn’t tease. Just gave her everything he had, like he knew what she needed and he needed it, too.</p>
<p>She slid a hand between them to rub her clit, and the sensations of the stone poking at her back and the sweat pooling behind her bent knees melted away in the heat of the pleasure sparking in her.</p>
<p>Every press of his hips made her feel like she’d fall through the tile and into another dimension where nothing existed but their bodies, soldered together. He dipped his shoulders under her shins, driving his cock deeper and letting his thighs hit her ass. Every slap of his skin on hers echoed in the room. It sounded so good, so right, that she almost couldn’t believe she’d existed without him inside her.</p>
<p>Why hadn’t she made this happen before? Twisted around on the couch and pleaded with him to use his cock instead of his fingers? Guided his gorgeous, thick length inside her instead of stroking it with her hands? They could have been doing this, only this, the whole time.</p>
<p>She had to let him know. “Don’t stop,” she said. “I need this so much.”</p>
<p>It only made him go harder. With his fingers, her cunt had been deliciously full; with his cock, she could feel him in her whole body. She wished he could fill up her mind, too.</p>
<p>“Yeah?” he panted. “Whose cock do you need?”</p>
<p>“Yours,” she panted back. “Your huge cock, filling me up.”</p>
<p>Saying it before made him blush. Saying it now made him bold. </p>
<p>“Just mine?” he bit out. He met her eyes, waiting for her answer, his look triumphant, possessive.</p>
<p><em>Oh, yes</em>. That was what she wanted. The craving for her, the greediness. That all-mine, only-you attitude. “Only yours, Ben,” she said, encouraging him.</p>
<p>“Whose tits are these?” he asked. Sweat dampened his hair and strands clung to his forehead, but he shook it away and kept pistoning his hips, not letting up.</p>
<p>“Yours.” She pinched a nipple with one hand and squeezed her clit with the other, giving herself just enough pressure to match the force of his thrusts.</p>
<p>He bent over, almost folding her in half, the stretch burning her legs. “Whose cunt is this?” he said harshly, his face inches from hers, eyes nearly glowing.</p>
<p>“Yours,” she said. “It’s only wet for you.”</p>
<p>The more she talked, the more he responded, each of them feeding off the other. He <em>was</em> going to fill up her mind, make her focus only on him and the way he was going to fuck her into the basement and then through the center of the earth.</p>
<p>“That’s right,” he said. “Only me, Rey. I had to have you. Have to.” He bent even farther to get his lips on her neck, sucking and biting, still not letting up with his thrusts.</p>
<p>“Only you.”</p>
<p>At last the thrusts turned erratic. “I’m going to come inside you. Show you you’re mine.”</p>
<p>“Do it, Ben,” she said, challenging him. “I’m close.” With her fingers on one side of her swollen clit and his cock rubbing against the wall on the other, she was dangerously near to coming.</p>
<p>“I want to hear <em>my</em> name when you come,” he grunted. “I don’t want to hear about anybody else.” His breath came hot on her neck; his demands made her desperate.</p>
<p>“You’re giving me what I need, Ben. Nobody else. Fuck me like I belong to you.” Saying it put her past the point of no return. She teetered on the edge, barely hearing what he said next.</p>
<p>“You do.”</p>
<p>The weight of his next thrust pushed her over her peak and she finally fell and fell and fell, calling his name, into a void, the center of an explosion, where she couldn’t think as pleasure rippled out from her middle to the very very tips of her body.</p>
<p>Feeling her clench around him, pulling him into the void with her, Ben’s eyes widened for a split second, and then he was coming, too, groaning as he filled the condom. “Fuck, Rey,” he blurted, half out of his mind. “You’re so fucking good.”</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>Ben eased himself all the way down to the floor next to her and pulled her onto his chest. The room quieted again as their breathing slowed. She’d be bruised and sore from the tile the next morning, but for now, she was satisfied and snug.</p>
<p>She’d gone the whole afternoon without thinking about her quest, about her loneliness, about anything except the way Ben’s body fit into hers. She’d let herself lose her mind over how big and thick he was everywhere. She’d let herself pretend she belonged to someone again, and he’d been willing to go along. It was—wonderful. It made her feel like she’d been put back in her body, restored to herself.</p>
<p>Buzzing interrupted her thoughts. Ben reached an arm over his head and grabbed his pants by the hem, tugging them down until he could reach into one of the pockets. He glanced at his phone screen and tapped it to stop the noise.</p>
<p>“It’s Poe,” he said. “Probably calling to check up on the rolls.”</p>
<p>Rey had completely forgotten about them. Her mouth watered, though, at the thought of fresh-baked bread. “Can we still bake them?”</p>
<p>“They might be a little overproofed. But it’ll go fast now that you’re an expert on shaping them.”</p>
<p>She yawned, content. “I really needed that. The sex, not the roll tutorial.”</p>
<p>“It <em>was</em> pretty good, wasn’t it?” This time he winked at her. Rey’s heart squeezed unexpectedly. Between that cocky wink and the slightly crooked teeth he’d flashed while laughing at her drawing, she suddenly realized, he wasn’t just sexy. He was <em>cute</em>. </p>
<p>She itched to do something with this information, but wasn’t sure what. It made her feel a little like she needed to throw up—but after gagging on his cock. Like she needed to smother him in kisses—but literally, until he passed out. She wanted to run to the hospital and tell the fake but nice Finn and Rose look-alikes—or anyone who would listen along the way—about all the ways his lips felt, and how he smelled after coming in from the snow, and how he promised to teach her to draw, which was so nice of him, but also that she just couldn’t <em>stand</em> the way his eyes crinkled when he laughed and how dare he.</p>
<p>She wasn’t sure she’d ever thought this about someone. Being with Kylo had been this precious, weighted secret she’d carried by herself. This was something lighter, fizzier. Something to be shared, not guarded.</p>
<p>The phone buzzed once more. Poe again. Ben sighed. “I should probably see what he wants.”</p>
<p>He answered, then looked stricken at whatever Poe was saying. His lips pressed into a line, flat with concern, while his eyes darted around the room. </p>
<p>“We’ll be right over,” he finally said, and ended the call. To Rey, he said, “Claire wandered out into the snowstorm and Poe can’t find her. She’s missing.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Ben couldn't get his sourdough starter going in time, so he had to use store-bought yeast for these rolls like a filthy casual. And clearly they're listening to <em>A Charlie Brown Christmas</em>, as it's tasteful and not cheesy. (Much like this story, amirite?!)</p>
<p>I'll put a little warning at the beginning of the next chapter re: child in peril, but, like, this is a Christmas romcom with smut. It's gonna be okay.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>cw: In this chapter a child is briefly in danger and someone is non-graphically injured at the Christmas Cantina. </p>
<p>But! This is basically all fluff, all the time, so I don’t think it’s a spoiler to say everything works out just fine.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rey had to grab the door handle as Ben flung the car through a turn and hit the accelerator halfway through, sending the back wheels sliding across the snowy road. He hadn’t said anything after they buckled in and he floored it, but his jaw was working non-stop and he was driving like someone was timing him. He must have been sick with worry.</p>
<p>She was having fun fishtailing around—it felt like flying—but only because she was confident they’d find Claire. This <em>had</em> to be her quest, and she <em>was</em> a true Jedi, so naturally she would complete it. She could do this.</p>
<p>They skidded to a stop in front of a cute clapboard house with dormers poking out of the roof and even more lights than Hux’s front yard. It glowed like a beacon in the thick snow that was still rushing down. Poe was in the driveway, talking to a neighbor. Ben jumped out and ran over. Rey shut his car door and followed.</p>
<p>“What happened?” Ben interrupted.</p>
<p>“I don’t know,” Poe said miserably. “I told her she could play in the backyard while I wrapped presents. She knows not to leave the yard, but she must have. Now the snow’s too high to see her footprints.”</p>
<p>“Why would she wander off?” Ben demanded.</p>
<p>“What’s the plan?” Rey asked, cutting in. The Poe she knew was a general with an answer to everything. He would have a strategy and lead them on the search like he was leading his squadron into battle. This Poe, however, opened his mouth, and nothing came out. It shouldn’t have been a surprise; no one else she met here was who they seemed to be.</p>
<p>But it meant someone had to take charge and stop wasting time. “Let’s split up and start looking,” Rey said. “Poe, you and your neighbor go toward the street. Ben and I will go around the back of the house.”</p>
<p>The men snapped into action, Poe and his neighbor heading for the sidewalk, Ben trudging behind Rey, his long legs giving him an advantage such that he almost stepped on her heels with every pace.</p>
<p>They crossed the yard and dipped into a hollow, where the land sloped away from Poe’s house and the snow was thicker. There was no whoosh of cars passing on the road, so if Claire had come down here, she probably wouldn’t have heard her dad calling. Rey marched deeper into the eerily quiet forest, eyes scanning between the frosted branches for a glimpse of Claire’s bright red coat and hat. </p>
<p>She wondered if she should check the twigs for red thread or some other sign Claire had been there. It was one thing to wander around planets and ships, feeling for Kylo in the Force to find him, knowing what was in his mind. It was another to try to guess what had gotten into a child’s head to tempt her to leave her backyard.</p>
<p>She could do this, Rey told herself. Everything had worked out fine before. She’d shipped herself off to her powerful nemesis with zero plan, and it ended with him basically proposing (and making her come, a lot). There was no reason this should be the task to outwit her.</p>
<p>“Do you see those lights?” Ben asked, breaking the silence. She followed his pointing finger to a faint glow on a hill a few hundred yards away.</p>
<p>“Another house?”</p>
<p>“Exactly,” he replied. “Claire <em>loves</em> Christmas lights. It’s why Poe is always taking her to the Christmas Cantina. She probably wandered out of the yard, saw the lights, and decided to walk over so she could look at them.”</p>
<p>Perfect. All they had to do was head for the lights and watch for Claire’s coat. Maybe she’d even made it to the house and was there right now, chatting with the kindly couple who probably lived there and sipping hot chocolate while she waited for Poe to come pick her up. A bit anticlimactic, as far as quests went, but Rey would take it. She’d completed so many hard missions. She deserved a break.</p>
<p>At the bottom of the hollow, though, something cracked under Rey’s foot. It wasn’t a branch. In fact, she was on open ground. The trees had stopped behind her and restarted some distance away, forming a ring around—</p>
<p>“Stop,” she ordered, throwing an arm out so Ben wouldn’t go any farther. “It’s a pond.”</p>
<p>And there, in the middle, was Claire in her red coat and hat.</p>
<p>Ben waved to her. “Stay there!” he yelled. “I’ll come get you.” He quickly unlaced his boots and began stripping off his gloves and coat.</p>
<p>“What are you doing?” Rey asked. It was freezing out, and the snow was still coming down. The last thing she needed was for him to get the shivers and to have to drag both Ben and Claire back to the house.</p>
<p>“Taking off my heaviest clothes,” Ben told her matter-of-factly. “I’m going to crawl out and get her. This way I’ll be able to swim if the ice breaks. My clothes won’t pull me down.”</p>
<p>“Don’t do that,” Rey said. “This is probably my quest. I’ll get her.” To Claire, she called, “Can you hold still? I’m going to stay here, but it will feel like I’m pulling you to me.”</p>
<p>“How?”</p>
<p><em>Great question, kid</em>, Rey thought. She’d been able to work her saber and pull an admittedly cheap trick like making Ben’s dick harder, but she hadn’t been able to do a flip onto Ben’s car. It was going to be difficult to account for the way the Force worked in this dimension. Or time. Wherever. She also wasn’t sure she’d ever manipulated someone with the care this would require. Usually she just had to throw faceless guards into walls or zap Force lightning at transports without worrying who was on board.</p>
<p>Now she’d have to do this carefully. While explaining it to a child.</p>
<p>“Remember how I said you had to practice feeling before fighting?” Rey shouted. “I’m going to reach out to you with a feeling.”</p>
<p>“Okay,” Claire said, even though Rey was pretty sure what she’d said didn’t make sense.</p>
<p>“Stand like this, like when we stretched out—” Rey demonstrated— “and I’ll start. Ready?”</p>
<p>Claire stood. Ignoring the uncertainty that flickered in her stomach, Rey took a deep breath and concentrated. No matter what the Santa said, she had to try.</p>
<p>She reached out, reminding herself she’d lifted boulders far heavier than a kid on Ahch-To and Crait, and slowly, slowly pulled Claire across the snow-covered ice toward the edge where she and Ben stood, letting the toes of Claire’s boots drag. She didn’t want to lift Claire too high and then accidentally drop her and break the ice.</p>
<p>Finally Claire was near enough for Rey to reach out and pick her up. Under the bobble hat, the little red-cheeked face was streaked with tears.</p>
<p>“You did great,” she told Claire, rubbing her back. “Are you okay? Anything hurt?”</p>
<p>“No,” Claire said, clinging to Rey’s neck. Her arms weren’t quite long enough, and it made Rey feel like she was being slowly choked, but she wasn’t about to ask Claire to let go. Besides, she could take turns carrying with Ben on the way back to Poe’s house.</p>
<p>“Let’s go home, then,” Rey said. She turned and took a step toward Ben, ready to retrace their path. He waited with outstretched arms and an awestruck expression. Suddenly there was a sharp crack.</p>
<p>In her haste to keep Ben from following her onto the ice and to rescue Claire, she’d forgotten to make sure she was standing on land. The ice beneath her splintered, plunging Rey into bone-chilling knee-deep water. Not enough to be dangerous. Just enough to give her a shock and to soak her shins.</p>
<p>“<em>Kriff</em> this kriffing <em>quest</em>,” she cried, feeling water slosh unpleasantly between each toe. “My <em>boots</em>.”</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>One squelching hike up the hill, two borrowed socks, and three mugs of hot chocolate later, Rey’s feet were warm, dry, and stretched out on the banquette in Poe’s kitchen. Even though Claire had begun listing all the characteristics of the puppy Santa was bringing her—soft ears, little paws, small enough to sleep in her room—by the time they made it back to the house, her tears all dried up, Ben and Rey were staying until Poe put her to bed, just to be sure all was well.</p>
<p>Rey was wiggling her toes while she told Ben about another snowy forest where a dark figure had stalked her, which sounded terrifying but which she seemed to remember as thrillingly erotic. Something about the memory made her pensive, though. She frowned as she slurped her cocoa instead of turning the mug upside down to eagerly suck up the last drop. Ben set his own mug in the sink and stood next to her.</p>
<p>“What’s wrong?” he asked, motioning for her to scoot over. She budged a few inches.</p>
<p>“I thought for sure that was my quest,” she said. “But I don’t think it was.”</p>
<p>He made room for himself, nudging her hipbone with his own so he wouldn’t fall off the bench. “How will you be able to tell?”</p>
<p>“A feeling, I think. I’ll be able to sense it in the Force.”</p>
<p>That seemed to mean something to her, so it was good enough for him. “But you’re still not sure what to do?”</p>
<p>“No,” she said, her voice clouding over. She put the mug down and brushed a tear away. “What if I fail, Ben?”</p>
<p>Maybe it was the thought that saving Claire from falling through the ice didn’t count. But it was probably the crying that made him angry. “So what?” he asked. “How is that failing? Saving a little girl wasn’t enough for the other knights, or whoever is the judge of these things?”</p>
<p>He’d been trying to take her side, but it only seemed to make the tears fall faster. “What if I can’t go back?” she said, wiping her face furiously.</p>
<p>“You don’t like it here?”</p>
<p>“I <em>do</em> like it here. Everybody in town is nice.” She sniffed. “It’s so strange, though. Everybody reminds me of my friends, just like you remind me of Kylo, but they’re not the same people. They’re not my friends. It’s like I’m getting another vision of the future, <em>my</em> future, and it’s nice, but it’s not real. It’s all going to vanish.”</p>
<p>“But they could be your friends,” he pointed out. “Didn’t Finn and Rose offer to take you for a ride in their ambulance? And Poe will do anything after today. You saved his ass, you know. Amilyn would have had his head if anything happened to Claire on his watch.”</p>
<p>“I know,” she said. “But there’s so much I could do if I figure out how to get back. I could train future generations, so I won’t be the last Jedi.”</p>
<p>Ben put an arm around her, meaning to squeeze her reassuringly so she’d stop weeping. Instead it reminded him of how she’d looked with her hair streaming around her shoulders, beautiful and wild, naked in his kitchen only hours ago, and he had the fleeting, insane thought that maybe he was being shown a vision of his future, too.</p>
<p>“I think you’ll figure it out,” he said, more confidently than he felt.</p>
<p>“What if I have to stay here forever?” She leaned into him and searched his eyes.</p>
<p>He returned her gaze. “I don’t think it would be so bad if you stayed.”</p>
<p>Tears were still pooled beneath her lashes, but she looked at him steadily. Her face was so close, her freckles a blur, and she was parting her lips. Ben already knew how velvety they’d be; how warm she was inside, everywhere, a little desert-fired furnace; how sweet she’d taste, with or without the hot chocolate. But it felt different when he moved to kiss her this time. It was something ventured, instead of something gained.</p>
<p>He closed his eyes. </p>
<p>And nearly jumped out of his skin at a clatter from the sink.</p>
<p>“I hope I’m not interrupting anything,” Poe said, holding the mug Ben had left there. He’d snuck right up on them. “Just putting this in the dishwasher. Did you find the marshmallows? I like my hot chocolate with a little extra sweetness.”</p>
<p>Ben cleared his throat. “How’s Claire?” he asked, ignoring Poe’s questions.</p>
<p>“She’s fine. Talked about the puppy until she conked out. Thanks to you two.”</p>
<p>“Thanks to Rey, actually,” Ben said. “She pulled Claire off the ice.”</p>
<p>“Why don’t you stick around and I’ll make dinner,” Poe offered. “It’s the least I can do.”</p>
<p>“We’ll grab something on the way.” Ben slid out from the banquette and stood up.</p>
<p>“We will?” Rey was confused.</p>
<p>“Yeah.” Ben held out his hand to her. “We wanted to stay and make sure Claire was okay. But we’ve got a quest to complete.”</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>Ben explained his idea as they drove. They’d go back to the Christmas Cantina, this time together, and look for clues as to why Rey had been sent there. Or maybe going there would trigger whatever Rey was supposed to be doing.</p>
<p>It wasn’t airtight reasoning, but it was the best he could come up with. Going back over things always worked at the garage. When he couldn’t find a leak or the source of a rattle the first time, he’d re-examine each part until he isolated the problem. They would simply have to look more carefully at the festival.</p>
<p>Even though it was December 23, the Cantina was quiet, with only a few families in line to see Santa and a couple parents riding behind toddlers on the carousel. The snow had stopped falling and someone had shoveled a path from the hot chocolate stand to the pop-up cookie shop, but most of the town was still hunkered down indoors.</p>
<p>Rey paused under the arch of lights over the entrance and looked around helplessly.</p>
<p>“I’m not sure where to start,” she admitted.</p>
<p>“A snack? I said we’d get something to eat on the way,” he suggested, pulling her to the cookie shop. Gingerbread people in hand, they wandered through the mini forest of lights and stopped to pet the reindeer in their pen.</p>
<p>It wasn’t so bad, Ben had to admit, to come here without Claire. It was kind of fun to watch Rey growl and bite the head off her cookie, and to see the surprise and indignation on her face when one of the reindeer tried to nip her hand. After her initial hesitation beneath the arch, she got into the idea that they had to investigate everything there, and beckoned him toward a little stage where a band of adults and kids played and sang backup for a woman whose voice rang warm and brass-toned in the cold night air.</p>
<p>“What’s she singing about?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>“It doesn’t feel like Christmas without the person she loves,” he said. “So she’s asking them to come home.”</p>
<p>Rey snuck an arm around his waist, clapping along with her free hand and one of Ben’s. The smallest band member stepped forward and soloed on a saxophone that looked too big for him to hold, to whoops from the grown-ups on stage.</p>
<p>“How is Christmas supposed to feel?”</p>
<p>“Like this.” He seized her clapping hand and kissed the back of it, trapping her with an arm on either side of him. They stood like that, wrapped up, until the end of the song.</p>
<p>Instead of applause, a sharp cry echoed across the clearing. Letting go of Ben, Rey whipped around and spotted someone who had fallen on one of the snow-slick walkways. She cut across the snowbanks to sprint toward the person, lifting her knees nearly to her chest to keep her feet moving. There were shouts for an ambulance. Ben looped around, following the path, and arrived to see Rey kneeling over an older woman whose leg was bent at the wrong angle.</p>
<p>“I can help you,” Rey was telling her.</p>
<p>“Are you a doctor?” the woman asked, suspicious.</p>
<p>“Well, no.”</p>
<p>“A nurse?”</p>
<p>Rey wasn’t a nurse, either, nor was she an EMT, nor did she have any medical training at all.</p>
<p>Finally, exasperated with the woman’s questions, she said, “I’m trying to help you. All I have to do is put my hand on your leg. It won’t hurt. Just let me try.”</p>
<p>The woman tipped her head back to where someone else had laid a scarf on the snow, resigned. “Fine. Until the ambulance gets here.”</p>
<p>Rey slipped off her gloves and gently placed her hands on the woman’s injured leg. She closed her eyes and breathed deeply, focusing the same way she had when she pulled Claire off the ice. For a few moments, she stayed there in stillness, doing whatever it was in silence. A hush fell over the sparse crowd.</p>
<p>The woman lifted her head. “What are you doing?”</p>
<p>Rey jumped back, holding her hands up. “I was trying to heal your leg.”</p>
<p>The woman broke into a faint smile. “Do you know, dear, I think it actually worked. It feels a lot better. Or I’m delirious from the pain.”</p>
<p>“Oh.” Rey’s cheeks, already pinked from the cold, flushed deeper. “I’m glad.”</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>“If it isn’t Rey, back at the Christmas Cantina.” Finn walked over to shake her hand while his partner covered the injured woman with a blanket and made her comfortable on the stretcher. “You must really be into the holidays.”</p>
<p>“Have you tried a cookie from the stand over there? They’re <em>great</em>,” Rey said. “Plus, I think there’s something I need to find here.”</p>
<p>“Look,” Finn said, lowering his voice, “whatever you did to that woman, it was amazing. I take back my offer to let you ride in the ambulance. You should come drive it with us.”</p>
<p>“Really?” Ben broke in.</p>
<p>Finn gave him a look. “Yes, really. Between this and pulling a kid off a frozen pond this afternoon, you’re practically doing our job anyway.”</p>
<p>“How did you hear about that?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>Finn smiled. “News travels fast in a small town.” He went back to help Rose load the stretcher into the ambulance.</p>
<p>“What <em>did</em> you do to that woman?” Ben asked Rey as they watched the ambulance drive away, its flashing lights fighting the soft glow of the Christmas Cantina decorations.</p>
<p>“I figured out how to heal people,” she said nonchalantly, like this was the natural consequence of study and training and not a near-Christmas miracle. “I got really good at it after I stabbed Kylo once. I was pretty motivated.”</p>
<p>Hearing she’d stabbed someone, the man she apparently loved, and then undone it was terrifying, but also something of a turn-on. She could swing her laser sword around, pull children off thin ice with telekinesis, and heal through the touch of her hands. Knight or not, she was clearly extremely powerful, and not afraid to show it. What else could she do with those powers? Best not to think about that, Ben told himself, until he was alone in the shower.</p>
<p>“I shouldn’t have stabbed him,” she was saying. “I only wanted to scare him. I didn’t realize his mother had died. He was distracted, and I shouldn’t have taken advantage.”</p>
<p>“Also because you loved him, right?” Ben asked. Just checking.</p>
<p>“I did.” She sighed and took his hand. “Let’s go back to your house.”</p>
<p>“Already?”</p>
<p>“Yeah. I can feel it. I was here at the right time and everything, but healing that woman wasn’t my quest,” she said dejectedly.</p>
<p>Ben didn’t want to end the evening on that note. “Look, you have until midnight on Christmas Eve, right?” he asked, needing to console her. “It probably has something to do with Poe’s charity dinner.”</p>
<p>Her fingers tightened around his. “You think?”</p>
<p>“Sure,” he said. “It helps a lot of people in need. The ticket sales fund scholarships. So by helping at the dinner, you’re helping future generations, like you would in your own world. You’ll finish your quest and be home by Christmas.”</p>
<p>He expected the disappointment that flickered through his chest when he talked about her leaving. After all, they’d just agreed it wouldn’t be so bad if she had to stay forever and nearly sealed it with a kiss. He’d meant it. He wanted her to stay longer.</p>
<p>But he didn’t expect the hope that darted over her face. She only wanted to finish her quest. She didn’t think of being here, with him, as being home.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Not me listening to "Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)" a hundred times as "research" for this chapter and crying over how perfect it is!!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>cw for some very light punch drinking at the charity dinner</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Do you need anything?” Ben called upstairs. “We’re going to be late.”</p>
<p>He’d left Rey with a couple of the dresses Poe had dropped off while he packed up the rolls they’d finally baked that morning—overproofed, without question, but they’d have to do—and told her she could wear something fancy if she wanted. Or not. It wasn’t up to him.</p>
<p>They had plenty of time, but he wanted to give her the present he’d put together at the last minute. A little something to remember him by, in case she finished her quest at the dinner and was magicked back to her own dimension. When he heard her footsteps on the stairs, he grabbed the box from its hiding place between Christmas tree branches.</p>
<p>The sight of her in a dress shouldn’t have taken his breath away. He’d seen her without any clothes. He knew how her nipples pebbled when her back touched the marble of the kitchen floor, how her chest flushed when she came. </p>
<p>But he still bit his cheek when he saw how the red lace wrapped around the pulse at her neck and crept down to frame a cutout at her lower back, cupping her ass closely enough that it made him think of the water running down those curves in the shower. Or maybe that was just because he’d been <em>very</em> careful to savor that view and file the memory in the top drawer. She smiled and spun, completely aware of how she looked and what it was doing to him—namely, making him dizzy and half-hard.</p>
<p>She made for the coat closet. “Come on,” Rey said. “Aren’t we going to be late?”</p>
<p>He remembered the box still clutched behind his back. “Actually, we have a little time. I got you a very small Christmas present.”</p>
<p>She lifted the lid and rolled her eyes. Inside was a little figurine of her hideous creature, spindly legs and penis-shaped snout and all, with a hoop on its back and a loop of thread so it could be hung as an ornament. He’d gotten Chewie to make it with the 3D printer they used at the garage to re-create impossible-to-find parts for vintage cars and then drop it off in the mailbox so it would be a surprise.</p>
<p>“To decorate your own tree. Or plant,” he said. “Whatever you have in your own world.”</p>
<p>“It really is funny-looking, isn’t it?” She bit her lip to hold in a smile. “Thank you. But I—was I supposed to get something for you?”</p>
<p>“Oh.” He hadn’t anticipated that and thought fast. “No. I don’t need anything. Except to see you in that dress.”</p>
<p>Her eyes darkened. “Don’t you think it would look better on the floor? If we have a little time?”</p>
<p>He definitely did. But they also didn’t have a <em>ton</em> of time before they were supposed to be at the dinner, telling everyone that yes, the rolls were homemade—leaving out the kneading-each-other-on-the-kitchen-floor part—and handing out bags of candy to over-excited children. </p>
<p>Ben squashed that thought. He deserved a nice Christmas. Poe said so, and Chewie said so, and Rey herself seemed to think so. And he couldn’t go to the dinner like this anyway, with his cock pleading to be let out of his pants. “Why don’t you take it off, then,” he said.</p>
<p>Rey took a deep breath. “Whatever you say,” she said, then added, “Supreme Leader.”</p>
<p>“What?” He’d heard what she said. He wasn’t opposed to trying something different. But it was probably best to be sure he understood what she wanted before he started giving orders.</p>
<p>“You told me it was Christmas Eve. That counts as a special occasion, right?” She set the box with her ornament aside and slipped off the glittery shoes Poe had, very thoughtfully, dropped off with the rest of the clothes.</p>
<p>“Yeah, I guess you could count it as a holiday,” he said. “The garage is closed today.” <em>Fuck off!</em> both halves of Ben’s brain shouted. Yes <em>would be sufficient</em>.</p>
<p>“Good,” she said. She steered him backward by the shoulders onto the couch. “I told you the Supreme Leader stuff was only for special occasions. So sit on your throne and tell me how to serve you.”</p>
<p>“Okay.” He could do that. No problem. If she wanted him to sit here, it would be easy for her to suck him off or get on top of him. He could suggest one of those. Simple. “That’s it?”</p>
<p>She smiled and pushed his knees apart until he was taking up all three cushions. “You just have to relax there and give some commands,” she said, moving between his legs. He reached into his pants and adjusted himself, letting her see. “Maybe threaten to punish me if I don’t do a good job.”</p>
<p>He paused with a hand protectively over his cock. “<em>Are</em> you going to do a good job?” Better to ask now than be surprised later.</p>
<p>“We can stop anytime,” she said reassuringly. “Just tell me if you need to cry.”</p>
<p>“Am I <em>supposed</em> to cry?”</p>
<p>“Oh, no,” she said brightly. “It’s okay if you do, though. Sex can bring up a lot of feelings. But the idea is more that you order me around a bit, I call you Supreme Leader and squeal a little, and we both come so hard we forget our own names.”</p>
<p>That sounded—ideal. Extremely doable. “Okay,” he repeated.</p>
<p>“It’s supposed to be fun,” she added. “For special occasions. Later I can be the Supreme Leader if you want.”</p>
<p>Ben went for his stern voice. If there was any time to act like he was in control of a situation, it was now. “But right now I am,” he said. “And I say to take off that dress.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, that’s it,” she said, then heard herself. “I mean, yes, Supreme Leader.” </p>
<p>The last of the day’s sunlight turned her shoulders golden as she unbuttoned the neck and wriggled out of the sleeves, and it filled the dimples on either side of her spine when she unzipped the back and stepped out of that, too. It caught on her hair as she settled on her knees in front of him, resting her elbows possessively on his thighs like she had already decided what she was going to do with him.</p>
<p>“Fuck, you look good,” he said. He paused. Her eyes told him that wasn’t quite the right tone. “I mean, uh, you look so good bared for me. With your pretty little tits out where I can see them. Now that you’re ready, you can take my cock out. I want to see how good you look with it stuffed in your mouth.”</p>
<p>Rey hummed in approval and flipped open his belt and button. She didn’t look up, but he looked down to see her fingers wrap around his cock and guide it between her lips.</p>
<p>Part of him thought he might possibly die from the way she pushed him all the way to the back, the warmest, wettest part of her mouth. Part of him thought he might possibly be immortal. This woman could have chopped him in half with her laser sword. Probably with her mind, if she wanted to. Instead, she was on her knees with her eyes wide and her skin goosebumped, following his orders while he sat there like a god, still wearing his suit and a tie with candy canes on it.</p>
<p>There was a faint buzzing somewhere in the room, but Ben figured it was probably the blood rushing away from his head. He forgot about that, he forgot his hesitation, and he settled in on the way to forgetting his own name.</p>
<p>Rey slicked him with spit and wrapped her lips around him, eagerly setting a rhythm. His eyelids drooped as he watched his cock dip into her mouth and emerge, glistening, over and over. Dazed thoughts of what could happen next drifted across his pleasure-fogged stupor. He’d put a hand on the back of her head so he could empty himself even farther down her throat. Or he’d make her stick her tongue out, demand to see his come coating her mouth before she swallowed.</p>
<p>No. Thinking like that was the way to cut it short. She told him they were <em>both</em> supposed to come. He should consider her needs, too.</p>
<p>“Play with your tits for me,” he said. She brought her hands up to cradle them, fingers gently brushing her nipples, showing him.</p>
<p>“Rougher,” he went on. “Make yourself squeal. Like you said you would.” She whimpered just to hear him say it, not taking her mouth off him, and changed the brushes to little pinches, teasing herself. He tensed to keep from jerking into her face, feeling like he could levitate off the couch. Watching her palm her tits, he realized, was only going to bring him closer and wind her up without really getting her anywhere.</p>
<p>“Now touch yourself. Get that cunt as wet as my cock is.”</p>
<p>She spread her knees wider and gave herself quick circles around her clit. Her thighs flexed, and she paused for a moment with his cock half out of her mouth, shuddering a little. That was what he wanted to see.</p>
<p>He settled on a new plan. He’d put his mouth on her again, get his tongue on that spot that made her moan from deep in her throat. He’d be able to feel the vibration all along his shaft.</p>
<p>Ben tugged her chin gently. “Get up,” he said. “You’re going to drip all over my floor. I want you dripping in my mouth instead.” </p>
<p>She licked her lips, swollen and glossed with spit from being stretched around him. Rey looked just as dazed as he felt. “Yes, Supreme Leader,” she said hoarsely. “Whatever you want.”</p>
<p>What he wanted, he thought as he lay back on the couch and pulled her hips toward his face, was to live here, with her cunt trickling onto his nose and her sweet little cries in his ears. He suckled at her clit and made her thrash a bit, the points of her nipples rubbing on his belly through his shirt. She struggled to get him into her mouth, but could only stretch far enough to lick up what was leaking from the head of his cock until he braced on the cushion and lifted his hips.</p>
<p>“That’s it,” he said. “Take it all the way down.”</p>
<p>Their mouths worked in tandem while she rubbed down on his face and he thrust up into hers, in sync, two halves of a whole. He grabbed her ass to hold the nub of her against his tongue and she clutched his to keep his length sliding deeper and deeper into her warmth. Together their breathing rose and their sounds got wetter until he felt the tightening that meant his orgasm was about to become inevitable.</p>
<p>Ben cracked. “I need you to come,” he begged her. There was no way he could come up with another order. He was going to lose his mind. “Please, Rey. I’m so fucking close.”</p>
<p>“Me too, Ben,” she gasped, equally desperate. “Just don’t stop and you can come in my mouth, okay?”</p>
<p>They worked faster, harder, fingers dug into each other’s asses, climbing higher and higher together, until she tensed above him and whimpered around his cock. Then her hips bucked on his cheeks and her mouth went slack as she came, which he noted dimly as he flew past on his way to shooting down her throat with a groan.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>She slumped across his shirt and nestled her head into his thigh. Dusk had swallowed all the golden light, and now her skin glowed with the colors of the lights on the Christmas tree. He lifted a finger to trace the outline of her hips, and it made her sigh.</p>
<p>Something caught in his throat and suddenly, unexpectedly, he <em>did</em> feel like crying. It didn’t seem fair that he’d been allowed to meet her and take care of her and fuck her, only to have her leave forever with a silly ornament and the memories of a few orgasms. Not when she made him laugh and she tasted so good and she bravely did her best at everything. Not when he hadn’t felt so happy in a long, long time.</p>
<p>The buzzing interrupted his thoughts, and Ben came back to himself with a start. The sun had gone down. The only light in the room came from the tree. Hours could have passed. That was definitely his phone ringing, and it was probably Poe, calling for the seventeenth time to find out where the fuck he and the rolls were. Whoops.</p>
<p>Rey sniffed. “Is that your phone?” She turned around to look at him with red-rimmed eyes.</p>
<p>“Were you crying?” he asked.</p>
<p>“I just choked a little on your huge cock,” she joked, sniffing again. “Are we late?”</p>
<p>“Very.”</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>It was a minor Christmas Eve miracle that Poe didn’t say anything about the finger-combed hair or wrinkled suit when they got to the hall at the community center that had been decked for the charity dinner. Just smirked while he straightened Ben’s tie, smoothed his rumpled shirt, and pointed to the empty section of the buffet table where the rolls were supposed to go.</p>
<p>Claire had instantly located Rey and dragged her to the center of a circle of children pleading to be taught to fight each other in ways their karate class wouldn’t allow, so Ben left the rolls and headed for the drinks.</p>
<p>Chewie was already there, helping himself to the punch, and made a face when he saw Ben. “You’ve been through the wars there,” Chewie said.</p>
<p>Ben met his eyes. “A little last-minute baking,” he straight-up lied. He filled glasses for himself and Rey.</p>
<p>“I knew she’d keep you on your toes,” Chewie said with satisfaction. “It’s my shift at the raffle table now. But don’t forget, I can still take the garage the day after tomorrow.”</p>
<p>“Fine,” Ben said. “If you really want to.” He didn’t want to be reminded that if Rey succeeded at her quest, she’d be gone by Christmas and he’d be alone the day after tomorrow, which made him sad, and if she failed to complete it, she’d be despondent, which <em>also</em> made him sad. He found a corner where he could sip his punch and stare at her without anyone bothering him.</p>
<p>Hux didn’t get the hint. “Merry Christmas Eve, neighbor,” he said, creeping up behind Ben.</p>
<p>“Same to you,” Ben said flatly.</p>
<p>“Isn’t this great? Poe always does such a good job, and the dinner helps so many people.”</p>
<p>“It does.” Ben finished one glass and started on the punch he’d poured for Rey. He also didn’t want to be reminded that helping people via the dinner was probably her quest. She’d finish it right before the deadline, and he’d have to go back to his house alone.</p>
<p>“Poe said you made the rolls yourself, too,” Hux continued. “That is so cool. I didn’t know you liked to bake. We should trade recipes sometime. Or you could come over and we could bake together.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, I’m pretty good at bread,” Ben conceded, softened by the punch. “I can’t do macarons like you, though.”</p>
<p>Hux blushed. “I’m so glad you liked those,” he said. “Listen, Ben, I wasn’t going to say anything, but it’s Christmas Eve and we’re standing under the mistletoe, so why not. I’ve been bringing you those treats and I asked you to come caroling because, well, because I really like you and I want to spend more time with you.”</p>
<p>Ben glanced up. That’s why no one was in this corner. Nobody wanted to stand under the mistletoe, even though Poe insisted on putting it up every year.</p>
<p>Then he realized what Hux had just said. “You—sorry, I’m surprised. You like me?” Ben asked.</p>
<p>“I do,” Hux said. He grinned. “Wow. It feels so good to actually say it. I have a crush on you.”</p>
<p>It made—well, it made complete sense. Hux wasn’t trying to be annoying or nosy when he asked if Ben was all right or knocked on the front door with cupcakes or cornered him by the grill or chatted him up at the Christmas tree farm. He was trying to be nice. He <em>was</em> being nice. He just had a crush. Ben was sorry he’d ever thought about punching his neighbor.</p>
<p>“So what do you think?” Hux was saying. “Maybe you could come over for dinner sometime.”</p>
<p>“But—” Ben shook his head. He’d been about to say <em>But I’m in love with Rey</em>.</p>
<p>That made even more sense. Of course he was in love with her. The realization didn’t even surprise him. His brain was feeding him a fact he already knew. <em>The punch is red. The Christmas tree is green. You love Rey</em>. He had to get out of this conversation with Hux and tell her before she finished her quest and it was too late.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry,” he told Hux. “You’re a good neighbor, and I’d like to come for dinner. But as your friend.”</p>
<p>Hux nodded. “I guess I knew that. You’re in love with somebody else.” He raised his eyebrows in the direction of Rey’s circle of tiny fans.</p>
<p><em>That</em> surprised Ben. “How did <em>you</em> know?”</p>
<p>“I saw how you looked at her that first night,” Hux said.</p>
<p>“When she slipped on the ice?”</p>
<p>Hux looked at him like you did at a puppy that kept tripping on its own ears. “When you got out of the car.”</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>Her toes had been stepped on so many times by Claire’s little friends that Rey wasn’t completely sorry when Ben pulled her away and told her he needed to talk to her. It must have been important; his eyes were fever-bright and his fingers were tight around her wrist as he led her out of the hall and into a dark, empty room dappled with moonlight.</p>
<p>“Hux just helped me realize something,” Ben began.</p>
<p>“Your neighbor?” She peered into the dark corners. “Is he here? Do I need to fight him?”</p>
<p>“Don’t worry, he’s fine. It turns out he had a crush on me. He’s not spying on me or anything,” Ben said quickly. “But that’s not it. What I wanted to—have to—tell you is that I’m in love with you.</p>
<p>“You asked me before what this was, and I told you we were having fun together for a little while. But I was wrong. This was me falling in love with you.”</p>
<p>Rey blinked. Something familiar, longed-for, was pulling at her, like it had when she woke up next to Ben in his bed. It felt almost like her bond with Kylo had. Not like it was at first, with all her thoughts uncomfortably exposed, but how it was at the end, when she knew that someone else could see her and cared about her. It was, she realized, the feeling of loving and being loved.</p>
<p>“I was wrong, too,” she said. “When I told you I could love you. I <em>do</em> love you.”</p>
<p>She tried to kiss him at the same time that he bent to try to kiss her, and their noses bumped before their lips found each other, hopeful rather than hungry this time.</p>
<p>Something else called to her when she pulled away. “I think I did it, Ben,” Rey said. “I think the dinner was it. I think I completed my quest.”</p>
<p>He frowned. “So you’re leaving?”</p>
<p>Oh. She’d made it to the realization she loved him, but not to the understanding that finishing her quest and going back to her own life would mean losing yet another person she loved. Her heart sank. Surely that couldn’t be her quest. She hoped not. But she’d come this far and she should see it through.</p>
<p>“I think I should go back to the Christmas Cantina,” she said. “I have to find out if I actually did it. I need to know if I’m a true Jedi.”</p>
<p>“Okay.” Ben’s voice was soft and resigned, but his fingers crushed hers like he wasn’t going to let her slip away that easily. “Let’s go.”</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>There was no glowing portal hovering under the Christmas Cantina entrance. No orb of blue light shimmering by the reindeer pen. They waved to Santa and he waved back; they’d been there so many times that he recognized them.</p>
<p>“Do you want a cookie?” Ben asked. “For the road?”</p>
<p>“No,” Rey said. It was probably the first time in her life that she’d turned down a snack, but she was too miserable. “I’m so sorry, Ben. I should have failed the quest and stayed with you. I should have realized sooner that I love you.”</p>
<p>“I don’t want you to fail for me,” he said. She was going to have to close her eyes so she wouldn’t see his lower lip trembling. “I’m happy that you finished your quest. I’m proud of you.”</p>
<p>“I’m proud of you for believing in love again,” she said, trying to joke so she wouldn’t cry, too. It didn’t work. For a few minutes, they stood in the snow and held each other, the moonlight catching on their tears.</p>
<p><em>This is stupid</em>, Rey thought after a while. She’d done the quest. So why was she still standing here snuffling into Ben’s coat? Was Luke just going to leave her hanging? After giving her a deadline? The thought made her sad <em>and</em> mad. She might as well face whatever came next. Maybe, she thought, she could pop back to check with Luke, get her true Jedi medal or whatever they handed out, and then return to be with Ben.</p>
<p>“Where is that old crone,” she muttered. “I have a few things to say to him.” </p>
<p>As if to answer, the blue light finally appeared. The last thing she saw was Ben’s face, pale and bereft, as the light pulsed and took her away.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Whatever, Ben. <em>Somebody</em> in town will seize the chance to frost Hux’s cupcakes.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>cw for a little more light drinking before Ben figures out a better coping mechanism</p>
<p>And whether you made it to the last chapter of this exercise in silliness or skipped ahead or accidentally clicked through, thanks for reading!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ben didn’t want to feel until halfway through the next year, and he was pretty sure he was close to succeeding. His toes had likely turned blue. The tip of his nose could have been snapped off like an icicle. He was going to sit on this bench downtown, freezing his legs and his ass off in his suit pants, watching people run around doing their last-minute shopping, until his heart was completely numb, too. He’d let some snow fall on his head and ice creep over his feet and he wouldn’t get up until the leaves unfurled in the spring.</p>
<p>He would have succeeded, too, if Chewie had gotten his shopping done on time. If Chewie hadn’t been walking down the main street, arms laden with bags but somehow not too hurried to invite himself to sit next to Ben.</p>
<p>“What happened?” Chewie heaved his packages out of the snow as he folded himself onto the seat.</p>
<p>“Rey finished her quest, so she had to go back to her own world,” Ben said. “I don’t know if she’s ever coming back.”</p>
<p>“Did you drink that whole bowl of punch?”</p>
<p>He’d forgotten he hadn’t told Chewie the whole story about her being a knight on a quest. “Of course not. Never mind. She had to leave and she might not come back.</p>
<p>“It’s just so unfair. It turns out love actually does exist after all—don’t give me that look—and I finally got a second chance at it. But as soon as I told her, it was taken away from me. Again. Do you know what I did? I told her I was in love with her, and then I stopped at my house so she could pick up her ornament and her sword and the rest of her stuff. So she could leave and not come back. How stupid is that?”</p>
<p>Chewie leaned back, getting comfortable.</p>
<p>“Don’t answer that,” Ben said. “I can’t believe I let her go. Not that I should have tried to get her to leave something so she’d have to come back. Letting her go was the right thing to do, because she worked hard to figure out her quest and she deserves to go back and see her friends. It just—it sucks.”</p>
<p>Ben stretched his legs out and stamped his feet. He might as well try to get some feeling back in his extremities if Chewie was going to insist on sitting here and bothering him.</p>
<p>“It felt so good to love someone again, you know?” he continued when Chewie didn’t say anything. “Like I could see a future that was more than waking up in an empty house and going to the garage every day. No offense. But I could talk to her about anything, even that it was my fault everyone died, and she understood. Or if she didn’t understand, she listened. Not everyone does.</p>
<p>“Except you. You’re a great listener. But that’s why it feels so terrible now. I had forgotten how—how awful it is to lose someone you love.” Ben paused to try to swallow the tears that had welled up. “I’ll get over it. Eventually. I’ll start over with someone new and I’ll fall in love with them, because that’s what people do. But this was such a good start. With her.”</p>
<p>Chewie cleared his throat. “So she didn’t cheat on you?”</p>
<p>“No! You let me go on for ten minutes about how love exists after all, and that’s your question?” Irritation flashed through him, and Ben could feel his smallest toes again. </p>
<p>“Just checking,” Chewie said. “In case she comes back. Is she coming back?”</p>
<p>“I don’t know. She didn’t even want to leave, but she had to make sure she’d finished this task, and then the light pulled her away.”</p>
<p>Chewie gave him a look.</p>
<p>“Okay, she didn’t want to leave, but she had to, and she said she’d come back if she could,” Ben said. “If anyone can make it happen, she can.”</p>
<p>Chewie shifted the handles of his bags from one hand to the other until he found the one he wanted and handed it to Ben. “For while you wait,” he said. “You can peek.”</p>
<p>Ben peeked. It was a bottle of very nice whisky.</p>
<p>“You’re giving whisky to a man who just had his heart broken? For, what, the tenth time? You sure know how to rub it in, old man. Don’t give me that look. You know what? Thank you. Thank you for my Christmas present. You grease monkey Santa Claus.”</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>After Chewie dropped him off, probably making sure he got home all right, Ben got out a glass for the whisky. He’d go about this in a civilized way. It wasn’t going to be a bender; he’d been through the territory of heartbreak before and he knew how to find his way out. A wallow, though, was definitely called for.</p>
<p>But when he went to sit with his drink, feeling very civilized indeed in his suit, he noticed that the couch cushions were still in disarray. He checked no one was watching—in his empty house, how sad—and sniffed one. It smelled like Rey’s skin, from her legs pressing into the sofa while she knelt over him. He sniffed his collar. It smelled even better: like the juices he’d mostly lapped right out of her cunt, except for what trickled onto his nose and cheeks and ran down his neck while he was focused on her clit. He’d wiped his face, but he almost certainly should have changed his shirt before going to that dinner.</p>
<p>He bolted what he’d poured and went to get the bottle from the kitchen. It could keep him company while he sat and thought about her. How strong she was, how determined, how purposeful, whether she was cutting down a Christmas tree or healing a stranger’s leg or telling him she loved him. </p>
<p>Or kissing him in the bathroom. Or pulling the come out of him with her powerful little fingers. Or taking his cock all the way down her throat.</p>
<p>Next time, she’d said, she could be the Supreme Leader if he wanted. He imagined her voice going as stern as his own, telling him to get on his knees and serve her. How she’d look sitting imperiously on the couch, deigning to spread her legs wide enough for his shoulders to fit between them. For the second time that day, his cock strained against his zipper, wanting to be let out.</p>
<p>And just like he had earlier that afternoon, Ben buckled. He’d make himself come and then pass out. That would be much better than drinking until he felt sleepy enough to go to bed. A much healthier form of release.</p>
<p>He shucked his pants, pushing them to his knees, and his shirt, taking one more sniff of the collar. She’d want him naked for her, so she could see how hard it made him to lick points onto her puffed nipples and suckle at her clit.</p>
<p>He stroked himself and skipped ahead to the part where Rey, as Supreme Leader, ordered him to take her place on the couch so she could ride him. His hand on his shaft, dry and firm, felt nowhere near as good as the soft, wet grip of her cunt, but that was what his imagination was for. She’d do her trick first, and he’d let her, hands fisted in the cushions, so his cock would be at its hardest, and she’d tell him to sit still before she sank onto it.</p>
<p>He stroked faster. She wouldn’t be afraid to use his cock. She’d ride him hard for as long as she wanted. He used the other hand to shift his balls a little, like they were being rolled around by her determination to impale herself. Finally her cunt would pulse and her eyes would go glassy. Maybe she’d tell him not to come until she was finished, and he’d say <em>yes, Supreme Leader</em> even though he was desperate, and he’d wait on the edge with his cock throbbing and his belly tight until her toes had uncurled.</p>
<p><em>It won’t happen</em>, his brain reminded him, choosing the worst possible moment. <em>There won’t</em> be <em>a next time</em>. Tears stung his eyes.</p>
<p>She wouldn’t mind if he cried, though. He kept stroking, trying to salvage the orgasm. She’d kiss away the tears and tell him everything was going to be all right. She’d slip out of her stern voice and into her gentle one, and sweetly offer to make him feel better. Then she’d wrap her mouth around him and hum with pleasure, rubbing his quivering thighs while he shuddered and tried not to shove himself down her throat. Then she’d shove it down herself—and Ben lost it. He groaned as he spurted onto his chest, hips lifting off the cushion. </p>
<p>But the moment of bliss winked out, as quick as a bulb on a string of Christmas lights from the attic, and faded into sadness that she wasn’t there to hear how good she made him feel.</p>
<p>At least he was sleepy now. He buried his face in the cushion and pretended his nose was pressed into her skin as he drifted off.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>The blue light spit Rey out onto a dune, where she stumbled and pitched down the slope. She came to a halt at the bottom when her leg collided shin-first with her speeder. Right in the same spot where one of Claire’s little buddies had kicked her. When she brushed the sand out of her face and opened her eyes, Luke was waiting.</p>
<p>“Well done,” he said. “You finished your quest.”</p>
<p>“Great,” Rey said. “What was it, exactly?”</p>
<p>“You helped that man believe in love again, of course,” Luke informed her, like it was obvious.</p>
<p>Rey scowled. “That man? You mean Ben? The random man who happened to look exactly like—”</p>
<p>“That’s why we sent you. A female Jedi.”</p>
<p>“So the point of all that was to help a man with his feelings?” If she dug her fingernails in any harder, they’d go right through her palms. What was the incredulous expression Ben used when he saw her with her saber? <em>What the fuck</em>.</p>
<p>“You completed the quest,” Luke said placidly.</p>
<p>“Fine. Where’s my Jedi medal? Or whatever I get for being a true Jedi.”</p>
<p>“Well—”</p>
<p>Rey didn’t like that tone. “Let me guess. First I have to do another quest.”</p>
<p>Luke nodded. “You have a little more time for this one. It has to be done by midnight on Valentine’s—”</p>
<p>She cut him off again before the blue light could take her away. “No. I’m not doing it.” Rey folded her arms and sat down on the sand. “I’ve already proven myself. I helped the Resistance. I helped defeat Snoke. I helped defeat Palpatine. <em>Again</em>. I helped Kylo find his way back to the light. I seduced Ben into believing in love. What else do I have to do?</p>
<p>“That’s a rhetorical question,” she went on, because Luke had opened his mouth like he was going to name some specific feats. “I shouldn’t have to prove myself, anyway. Your lightsaber <em>called</em> to me. I was meant to use it.”</p>
<p>“There are certain things every Jedi must do. Search your feelings.”</p>
<p>She thought of what Ben had asked. <em>Saving a little girl wasn’t enough for whoever is the judge of these things</em>? When was it going to be time for her to decide what was enough? To do what she wanted with her life?</p>
<p>“Who says so? And why can’t I say so? I’m the last one of us, aren’t I?” she demanded. “My feeling is that I have done my best and it’s never enough for you. My <em>feeling</em> is that I’m in love with Ben, and I would rather go back and be with him than do another quest. Even if it means you don’t think I’m truly worthy.</p>
<p>“I know I’m supposed to let go of my attachments, and that you don’t understand the bond I had with Kylo. Or approve of it.</p>
<p>“But that bond showed me that I like having someone who understands,” Rey went on. “That’s what I want, not a life on my own doing quests. I don’t want to be lonely anymore. I want to be close to someone again. To Ben.”</p>
<p>“Are you finished?”</p>
<p>“No. Yes.” The sand was nearly burning her skin through her leggings. Rey regretted her impulse to sit on it. “Are you going to send me back to Ben?”</p>
<p>Luke thought about it. “Fine.”</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>Ben didn’t remember there being dogs to pet at the Christmas Cantina, but he was positive he heard barking when he turned up on Christmas morning to meet Poe and family and to pick up his car. It wasn’t until something ran up and licked his hand that he realized the commotion was coming from one particular dog. At the end of a leash Claire was holding.</p>
<p>He rubbed his eyes, certain that Poe had told him Claire was absolutely, one hundred percent <em>not</em> getting a puppy for Christmas, no matter what Santa said. Yet here it was, with the softest-looking ears, definitely small enough to sleep in Claire’s room, exactly as she’d confidently predicted to Rey and Ben when they took turns carrying her back from the pond.</p>
<p>Poe’s eyes were bleary, like he’d napped next to the puppy’s crate. Amilyn, back from her business trip just in time for Christmas, had dark circles under hers, like she’d gotten up at dawn to take the puppy outside. Both looked like they deeply regretted telling Claire she could come to the Cantina to see the lights one last time.</p>
<p>“Merry Christmas, buddy!” Poe held out his arms and gave Ben a big hug. “If you brought Claire this puppy, I will end you,” he hissed in Ben’s ear.</p>
<p>“It wasn’t me,” Ben said. “Isn’t that what she wanted for Christmas, though?” Poe gave him a look that could melt steel.</p>
<p>Amilyn held out her arms in turn. “Merry Christmas, Ben. Good to see you.” She pulled him in for a hug that could bend iron. “Did Poe get her the puppy? Tell me the truth and I won’t hurt you.”</p>
<p>Ben ignored the question and crouched to pat the puppy.</p>
<p>“Where’s Rey?” Claire asked. “Doesn’t she want to meet Sparky?”</p>
<p>“Is that what you’re naming it?”</p>
<p>“Him,” Claire informed Ben. “Yes. Like a light. I think he would really like her.”</p>
<p>“I think so, too,” Ben said. “But Rey was only staying with me for a few days. She had to go back home for Christmas.”</p>
<p>There was a huge metallic clang from the other side of the Cantina and some surprised yells from other families. Claire stood on tiptoe to peer around Ben’s shoulder. “No, she didn’t!” she shouted in Ben’s face. “There she is!”</p>
<p>More banging echoed through the freezing air, like someone was kicking a hunk of metal, followed by a horrible screeching, like they were opening the gates of hell. Finally the racket stopped and a woman clad in white jumped up. She looked around, waving at Santa when she saw him, but even before her eyes found Ben, he was running through the snow to get to her.</p>
<p>“Rey!” he called, hardly daring to believe it was her.</p>
<p>“Ben!” She jumped into a snowbank to get to him faster and lost a boot pulling her foot out. He waded to her and tried to help, but only managed to get his own foot stuck and pull her on top of him so they were both in the snow. </p>
<p>It didn’t matter. Her breath was warm on his face and her laughter rang in his ears. The weight of her on his chest told him he hadn’t just fallen asleep on the bench the night before and imagined her return. The softness of the kisses she was pressing onto his wind-chilled cheeks told him she remembered everything.</p>
<p>“You came back,” he said, his thoughts too full of her to get beyond this incredible fact.</p>
<p>“I did,” she agreed. “I told my teacher I didn’t care about being a Jedi.”</p>
<p>“If they don’t want you, it’s not worth caring about,” he said, indignant.</p>
<p>Her eyes shone. “That’s what I told him! I care more about being with you.”</p>
<p>“So you’ll stay here? With me?” Ben held his breath, like bracing himself would stave off the crushing disappointment if she had to leave again. </p>
<p>“Of course I will.” She sank even more of her weight onto him, balancing to keep her legs out of the snow. Relief let him breathe again, but her hips on his diaphragm didn’t. “You’re going to teach me to draw, and we’re going to be happy. Even if we both know that loving someone makes it hurt so much when you lose them. Maybe <em>because</em> we both know it.”</p>
<p>“I do know that,” he said. “But I still want a second chance at it.”</p>
<p>“You deserve a second chance,” she said. “Everyone does. Well, almost everyone. But definitely you.”</p>
<p>“In that case, I accept my second chance.”</p>
<p>“Good. Because I love you.”</p>
<p>He opened his mouth to say it back, but Rey swallowed the words with a kiss, warm and clinging and so, so right. Her fingers tangled in his hair like she’d never let him go. Her shoulders slotted beneath his arms, just right for him to hold her there forever. He couldn’t believe that out of all the people he could have accidentally hit with his car, it would be someone so perfect for him.</p>
<p>Her lips left his abruptly. “Are you cold?” she asked. “You just shivered.”</p>
<p>“I’m fine.” Ben stretched his chin up, trying to get his mouth back on hers, but she leaned her head back and shook it.</p>
<p>“I went to all this trouble to get to you,” Rey said. “I’m not going to let you lie in the snow until your lips turn blue.”</p>
<p>“Then let’s go home,” he said. “If you insist.”</p>
<p>She eased off him and they both got to their feet, boots and all. “I’ll drive this time,” she said with a gleam in her eyes.</p>
<p>“In my car? Not until I teach you.”</p>
<p>“On my speeder. I made Luke send it with me this time. It fell on top of my tunic when I got here, and I had to shove it off before I could come find you,” she said. That explained all the clanging. They picked their way through the snow to a bullet-shaped hunk of half-rusted metal.</p>
<p>“This piece of junk?” Ben couldn’t keep the skepticism out of his voice. A couple hours in the garage, and he could probably have it looking and running like new. But he wasn’t sure it was going to make it back to his house without leaving a trail of oil and screws.</p>
<p>“Don’t start with that.” Rey rummaged in a compartment and pulled out a pair of goggles for each of them. “Just trust me and put these on.”</p>
<p>He swung a leg over and then had to hop around to haul himself up behind her in the seat. Rey, of course, had leaped aboard with practiced ease. Poe, Amilyn, Claire, and the puppy came over to watch him struggle to get both feet off the ground. </p>
<p>Ben waved to them once all his limbs were in place. “Rey’s back!” he said, unnecessarily. “We’re going home to warm up.”</p>
<p>Rey turned and her eyes snapped to Amilyn. “Vice Admiral Holdo?” she said, bewildered. “But I thought you and Poe hated—oh. Huh. Never mind. Thanks for letting me borrow your clothes.</p>
<p>“And you got your puppy!” she called to Claire. “I knew Santa would come through.”</p>
<p>“He got Ben a new girlfriend, too,” Claire called back.</p>
<p>Ben didn’t even try to hide his smile. “I guess we were both extra good this year.”</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>A few flips of the switches, and the speeder’s engine roared to life, setting the metal humming beneath them.</p>
<p>Rey revved it and twisted back to Ben. “Last time, you drove from your house to the Christmas Cantina in twelve minutes,” she said. “But I can do it in half that. You’re going to see exactly how good a pilot I am.”</p>
<p>“I hope you are,” he said, just loud enough for her to hear over the engine. He inched forward so she could feel how eager he was to get home. “I have another, much bigger Christmas present for you.”</p>
<p>She shifted back to nestle him into her ass. “Can I unwrap it in the bed?”</p>
<p>“You can,” he said, winding an arm around her waist. “But I’m not letting you out of that bed until at least New Year’s.”</p>
<p>“What’s New Year’s?” she asked.</p>
<p>Rey was going to like this. “It’s a fresh start,” Ben said. “When one year ends and a new one begins. When everyone gets another chance.”</p>
<p>She grinned. “Let’s go get ours.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>...and away they both flew like the down of a thistle<br/>But I heard them exclaim ere they drove out of sight—<br/>Merry Reylomas to all, and to all a good (k)night.</p>
<p>If you enjoyed these nine chapters of, ahem, sheer poetry, I'm on <a href="https://twitter.com/canox_writes">Twitter</a> now.</p>
<p>And P.S. this movie absolutely does not care where the puppy came from, so I'm going to decree Christmas Magic.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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